TWFE's last post...at Blogger

It's taken the weekend (and then some) to get the migration done, there's been a few headaches along the way (which is why I did no Lions commentary Sunday) and we're not out of the woods yet, but The Wayne Fontes Experience is officially under the MVN wing.

This is a huge change, and I'll be learning a new blogging platform, Movable Type, to boot. So I'm warning you now, it may be a bumpy ride!

I haven't decided what, if anything, I'll do with the content here at Blogger. It'll remain up for the time being, as MVN only has the last 10 months of my archives.

As for new content being posted over at MVN, it may be spotty for a few days. I'm going to try and write tonight, just to get something new up. But I'm undergoing a medical "procedure" tomorrow morning, and I seriously doubt I'll feel like writing tomorrow. I anticipate things should be back up to a semblance of speed by the coming weekend.

A couple of reminders...

The official TWFE URL: http://waynefontes.com

The new RSS feed: http://waynefontes.com/rss.xml

I appreciate your patience.

I'll see you at the same blog, just in a different place.

A quick TWFE and Big Al status update...

Update: Not 5 minutes after I posted this, MVN sent out notice the new platform is launching later tonight! So make sure you are using WayneFontes.com to get here, and NOT THE BLOGSPOT ADDRESS. More coming as news develops.

I'm exhausted after spending the day at U of M hospital seeing doctors and getting x-rays. I'll fill everyone in on the details over the weekend when I'm feeling back up to snuff (what kind of term is "up to snuff?" My grandfather used snuff, it was, well, icky!). I will say that there will likely be very invasive spinal surgery in my future, tentatively planned for sometime after the first of the year.

Posting will be light midweek, as on Tuesday morning I'll be working on getting my other medical issue further looked into, that pesky internal bleeding. My doctor will be snaking the plumbing, so to speak.

It's pretty damn odd. I have all these medical issues going on, yet I feel fine. Go figure...

As for the move to MVN, we're in a holding pattern. They are struggling mightily in their attempt to install their new blogging platform, and need more time. At this point, it's hurry up and wait. You'll be the first to know when I get the news when TWFE is officially under the MVN umbrella.

Anyway, expect the usual babbling from yours truly Saturday and Sunday. I'm sure I'll be in intense emotional pain, thanks to the misadventures of the Wolverines and Lions. See you then!

The move to MVN is approaching...soon!

Note: New posts are directly below this one! Cool? Cool.


Update 10/16, 11:30 AM: As you can see TWFE is still on Blogger. MVN is still having some technical glitches while launching their new platform, putting everything on hold. I still expect the move to MVN happen soon, could be today, could be tomorrow, but very soon. In the meantime, check out the new posts beneath this update. We copasetic? Good.

OK, heads up everyone. This is NOT a drill! The move to MVN is nigh!

I just gave the Grand Poohbahs at the Most Valuable Network the information needed to begin the transfer of TWFE from Blogger to MVN's servers. The whole shebang, kit and kaboodle, archives and all, will be on the move.

So I need to give you, the faithful readers, a few bullet points.

• My long-time blogspot URL, thewaynefontesexperience.blogspot.com, will no longer take you to TWFE after October 15th.
  
• WayneFontes.com will continue to take you to TWFE, as it will become the primary domain.
• If you are feeling frisky, you can also use WayneFontes.net.
• Please change your bookmarks/favorites from the blogspot address to WayneFontes.com!
• If your blog links to TWFE, please please PLEASE make sure you are using WayneFontes.com!
• For those of you who read TWFE via RSS, I don't have the info as to the new feed as of yet.
• As for those who subscribe via email, that service will be ending with the move to MVN. I apoligize, but so few people use the service, it's not worth keeping it alive with the move.

If there are any questions or comments, you know where to leave 'em. I will respond. Same goes if you touch base via email with any concerns or suggestions. I'll keep this post at the top of the blog for the time being, and I'll add any pertinent info as I get it.

Thanks for reading, pardon my dust in the meantime and please follow TWFE to its new home!

The Knee Jerks: WTF with Eno and Al - Episode 3: The Lions do the right thing? It must be a cold day in Hell

It's Thursday, so by now you know what that means...once again it's time for TKJWTFWEAA! (Feel free to call it "The Knee Jerks.")

Every Thursday I chat with the man this blogger likes to call "Mr. Jourmalist," Greg Eno, the proprietor of the Eno Blogging Network, which includes Out of Bounds, Where Have You Gone, Johnny Grubb?, and Spoiled Sports.

Today's topics include giving out knee jerk opinions about the Michigan Wolverines and the early struggles of RichRod, the big doings at Allen Park, with the Detroit Lions actually doing something smart for the first time in YEARS, and touch on the Detroit Red Wings, the MLB playoffs and my moving TWFE to the Most Valuable Network.

As Bluto Blutarsky once said, "LET'S DO IT!"

Eno: It's Thursday, and that means it's another rock 'em sock 'em episode of The Knee Jerks. I'm Eno, also known as The Historian. He's Big Al, also known as The Potential Heart Attack Victim. How are you, Big Al?

Big Al: Better than expected, actually. Even though the past weekend definitely wasn't one of the more pleasant ones for football fans in the state of Michigan.

Eno: What? You mean Michigan State? They won, didn't they?

Big Al: Sparty? Come on, Eno. You know I'm a Michigan fan! Yes, one of those fans who MSU fans
despise, who didn't go to the school. But come on, lose to TOLEDO? 1-4 TOLEDO? No, I'm not going to lose it. I value my health too much.

Eno: What's frightening is that Toledo isn't even one of the MAC's top teams. Is that loss worse than losing to Appy State last year?

Big Al: It is, in that Appy St. could have beaten more than a few Division I (or whatever the NCAA is calling the BCS conference schools) teams. Toledo is a BAD team. Turns out, the Wolverines are a WORSE team. I knew it was going to be a year of transition, but this?

Eno: OK, what about that? How did the Wolves fall so far, so fast? And how in the HELL did that program end up without a quarterback?

Big Al: I'm not sure who to blame more: Rich Rodriguez for putting all his eggs in the Terrelle Pryor basket, or...I blame RichRod. Not that Pryor did him any favors by stringing him along well past signing day. Rodriguez absolutely has to recruit a freshman QB in 2009 who is capable of running the spread offense to its fullest capabilities. Even then, it's looking like 2010 before we have a chance to see the Michigan we know.

Eno: OK, I see that there's already a "Fire R-Rod" web site out there. But at the risk of disturbing the dead, er, the retired – isn’t Rodriguez playing with the deck that Lloyd Carr left for him? How much of this is Carr's bad recruiting?

Big Al: Some of it is Lloyd Carr's fault, of course. But we're talking the powerful Michigan Wolverines, who recruit four and five-star players. You can't blame Carr for losing QB Ryan Mallett., for example. There is talent there (at Michigan). For whatever reason, that talent isn't being used to its potential, or it’s not buying into the RichRod program.

Eno: I was thinking about this: the Wolverines are 7-6 in their last 13 at the Big House. So that mystique seems to be gone. How does Rodriguez stand up in front of his players and say, "OK, we're 2-4 -- almost 1-5 -- and just lost to Toledo at home. BUT WE'RE STILL MICHIGAN, men!" I mean, does that resonate?

Big Al: Not anymore. Which is why RichRod has his work cut out for him – getting Michigan's, well, hubris back. But it's not as if the Big House is one of the more intimidating places to play. I've always considered it overrated, and (home to) the quietest 110,000 people you'll ever hear.

Eno: Well, "transition" is a kind word. But at least Rod has some pedigree. He's not Gerry Faust, plucked from HIGH SCHOOL to coach Notre Dame. You're an old geezer like me – remember that? Remember "Oust Faust"? So Rodriguez can probably rebuild this thing; just not right away, or fast enough for the fans or alums.

Big Al: Gerry Faust? The man who was so far over his head, he makes Rod Marinelli look competent? I totally agree with you though. I'm not worried about RichRod's turning the program around. His track record says he will. But you'll never please Michigan fans, who think 10 wins and a BCS Bowl game appearance is a birthright. There isn't a fan base in college football who needed a bigger humbling. Forty years of never having a losing season tends to do that to a fan base.

Eno: Here's a sobering number: Penn State minus 23 against U-M. MINUS 23!!

Big Al: Never thought I'd see the day. With Steven Threet banged up, and RichRod playing a walk on, Nick Sheridan, minus 23 might be on the low side! (Penn State coach) Joe Paterno has to be licking his chops in anticipation of repaying U-of-M for almost a decade of painful losses.

Eno: Well, other coaches said, before the season, "Better get Michigan now, because once Rodriguez starts recruiting, look out." So others obviously feel he's up to the task. So, is it safe to say that you won't be visiting the "Fire R-Rod" web site?

Big Al: Hell, no! I'm not happy, and RichRod deserves to be held accountable to what's likely to be the worst Wolverines season since Bump Elliott was coach. [Good Lord, there are several generations of Michigan fans who are thinking, “Who in the Hell is Bump Elliott?”] But he also deserves the opportunity to fully implement his program, and that's going to take time. Down seasons have happened to EVERY national power. It's just the Wolverines' turn.

Eno: So, big news, Big Al: The Lions listened to you – imagine that – and traded your man Roy Williams. And, even more, they robbed the Cowboys blind. What gives here?

Big Al: The Lions make a well-thought out, sensible, thinking-about-the-future move? It's one of the seven signs! The apocalypse is upon us! Up is down, in is out! That's what gives! Seriously, Martin Mayhew robbed the 'Boys blind. And then some.

Eno: As I wrote in OOB, Mayhew is still interim, but not as interim as before the trade. Does this make him a player when the Lions go searching for a new front office leader? Or is this just beginner's luck? Your gut.

Big Al: Even though getting most of the Cowboys’ 2009 draft for a player who wasn't going to return next season has been universally lauded, you can't ever forget Mayhew said "I'm a 100% Millen man." He still needs to go. But knowing the Fords, I'm starting to get the feeling he may stay, along with (coach Rod) Marinelli. When it comes to the Fords, you just never know.

Eno: OMG, you REALLY think so? I'm talking about Marinelli now. You really think Mr. Pound the Rock has a chance of being here in '09? Say it ain't so, Al!! And I mostly agree about Mayhew; I don't know what on Earth the man was thinking when he made that "I'm a Millen man" remark. Kind of like saying, "I'm a Bush man," if you're a Republican!

Big Al: If Mayhew stays, and this is a big “if”, he may feel loyalty to Marinelli. Mainly because trading Williams and IR'ing a vocally-unhappy-about-it Jon Kitna, means the Lions are waving the white flag on the '08 season, when Marinelli really has to win games. It's, in a way, if Marinelli had input on the moves, a selfless act by a head coach on a VERY hot seat. I wouldn't approve, but knowing how the Lions think (Change = Bad), it's a possible scenario.

Eno: Well, I must admit that Mayhew (another MM initial guy, btw) showed me something here. He might have some potential as a GM. But if the Lions can get a high-profile, veteran front office type, they need to do that. I'd love to see Mike Holmgren get fed up with coaching in Seattle and be ready to move upstairs – with the Lions, if possible. As for Coach Rod, I think he ought to prepare himself to be d-line coach at Cal or Stanford or something.

Big Al: I agree with you totally. A Holmgren, a Bill Cowher, someone with a name and a winning pedigree is essential to the Lions’ winning back the faith of a wary fan base. I could live with Mayhew staying in the organization (but NOT as GM), as he seems to have a very good reputation in NFL circles, but Marinelli has to go. He just has to. But who in the Hell knows what William Clay Ford is thinking? That's the wild card in this mess.

Eno: But back to the trade real quick. I think of Roy-Roy as a guy who can excel in a better environment. He was never going to get any better in Detroit; he topped off here. I just hope the Cowboys know that they got themselves a fumbler and a dropper of easy passes, to go along with those occasional spectacular grabs. Guess we'll never see that Drew Stanton-Roy Williams rapport here. *SIGH*

Big Al: I believe I said in an earlier edition of TKJWTFWEAA that Williams would "blow up" on a good team. With the Cowboys, Roy will have Terrell Owens on the other side of the field, drawing double teams. He'll make hay, so to speak. But Williams also has issues with focus (re: dropping catchable balls) and diva tendencies (showing up QBs and celebrating 1st downs while three scores behind). The Cowboy fan base, considering what Jerry Jones gave up to get Roy, won't be very forgiving if Williams pulls some of the stunts in Dallas that he did here in the D.

Eno: Well, it's a deal good for all parties, really: Williams, the Lions, and the Cowboys – because Jerry Jones says so! As for the other biggish news, QB Jon Kitna is “no longer” as far as 2008 goes, having been placed on IR. Your thoughts? He's done as a Lion, right? Even though he's under contract for 2009.

Big Al: Kitna's done. He's already burning bridges, having gone to the press, claiming he could play. There must be more to it. If Kitna wasn't hurt badly enough to miss the rest of the season, why not just demote him to 2nd or 3rd string? Obviously the Lions thought Kitna would become a locker room cancer (if he wasn't already) if he was no longer starting. We'll probably never know the entire truth.

Eno: Ahh, so you think they IR'd him as a way of performing cancer surgery? Interesting take. So who's the QB for 2009, oh sage one?

Big Al: Well, it's like taking a cleaver when you should have used a scalpel, but a good analogy. As for next season? I want to say Drew Stanton, but his unnecessarily missing a season on IR (in 2007) is still biting the Lions in the proverbial ass. No one knows if he can play. There's also the fact that if a new GM is brought on board, he may want his own guy under center. The '09 starter isn't on the roster. In other words, it'll be some veteran free agent.

Eno: Ahh, another Dave Krieg in our future! So, speaking of the Lions, how about those officials in Minnesota on Sunday, eh?

Big Al: You mean the guys wearing stripes who were on the Vikings’ payroll? It was one of the worst officiated Lions games in recent memory. The Lions "wuz robbed!" But bad calls have been abound in the NFL this season. It's become an epidemic. Maybe it's time the NFL went to full-time referees, instead of using insurance agents who have the weekend off!

Eno: I felt bad for (CB) Leigh Bodden. He actually played pretty well, then was victimized at the end there. I don't even know if that ball was catchable. The zebras obviously thought Calvin Johnson didn't have a chance at his pass near the end zone earlier in the game when Megatron was mugged. Johnson was jobbed, too (later in the game on a fumble call). I thought that Court of Appeals known as the Replay System was supposed to correct the wrongs done on the field.

Big Al: Yeah, right. And the NFL also says reviews are only supposed to take one minute. But as I said on TWFE, bad teams don't get calls. The Lions have rarely been given the benefit of the doubt by the refs. It's the same in all sports: good teams and good players get calls. The Lions aren't good, and their good players are few and far between.

Eno: True that. So what do you make of an NFL QB (Orlovsky) who runs out of the end zone like an electric football player? If Gus Frerotte would have done that, at least he would have run right toward the nearest wall and banged his head against it! Orlovsky didn't even give a reaction. He just kept running, right to the sideline. Didn't toss his hands up, didn't slap himself on the helmet, nothing. It was weird.

Big Al: Maybe Dan-O wanted a hot dog and a beer? I've never seen that happen before. Orlovsky just plain didn't realize where he was on the field. I've NEVER seen such a lack of field awareness from an NFL QB – and I use that term loosely.

Eno: At least when Jim Marshall ran the wrong way (for Minnesota in 1964), he was just a dumb old defensive lineman! He can't hear me, can he?

Big Al: You best hope not! At this point, nothing the Lions do on or off the field will surprise me. Even pulling a “Marshall”.

Eno: Hey, did you see Ty Conklin the other night? If the Red Wings get goaltending like THAT from their "backup", then there's no stopping them.

Big Al: Getting Conklin for essentially pocket change may be the best free agent pickup the Red Wings made this past off-season, even bigger than signing Marian Hossa. Just more proof that Ken Holland is the best GM in sports.

Eno: (The Red Wings) are just so much fun to watch, because of their puck possession style. At least once per game they get a goal as a result of tic-tac-toe passing. They're the anti-Lions. Plop-plop, fizz-fizz. So I've been dominating the discussion. Anything else on your mind?

Big Al: I've got nothing.

Eno: Well, other than you're going all hoity-toity on us and moving your act to MVN. I'm glad you're at least stooping to chat with a serf like me!

Big Al: Well, I'll always have time for the little people. Just talk to my people, first. You're no serf, Eno. You're more like a peasant. Seriously, I'm looking forward to moving to a big network like MVN. It should be fun. I'll be able to reach out to a bigger audience, and even better, I won't have to worry about design or the back end stuff. But nothing will change, content-wise. I'll still hold up my part in being a knee-jerk, profane blogger!

Eno: The thought of you having "people" is terrifying! But good luck with MVN and just don't forget the people you stepped on, on the way up! One more quickie: who's winning the World Series this year?

Big Al: Thanks for the kind words! As for the World Series, I'm picking the Phillies. If there is a city that needs a champion, it's Philly. The (Tampa Bay) Rays fans don't deserve a title, and don't get me going on Boston and their elitist, “It's all about us” fan base. Who's your MLB pick to click?

Eno: Well, if you wander over to Johnny Grubb and/or OOB (I posted it both places), I roasted the Rays fans. They averaged 22,000 per game – less than 50% capacity and 26th in MLB. That's pathetic for a first-place team. Take their team away!! I like the Red Sox. They're battle-tested. The Phillies are the Cubs, plus one. In my mind, 1980 (when the Phillies won the World Series) is the only thing that separates the Phillies from being even WORSE than the Cubbies, who at least have won more than one title in their history. So Bosox in six over....LA. Yep – the Dodgers will rally. Any team (the Red Sox) that has Stephen King rooting for them in the stands is OK in my book – no pun intended. So see you next week, Big Time, I mean Big Al!

Big Al: I'll be here, Mr. Journalist! See you next week!

Eno: Ah, touche!

The Detroit Lions decide their future is brighter without Roy Williams and Jon Kitna

I'm away from the PC for a few hours, and all Hell breaks loose!

Roy Williams and a 7th round pick to Dallas for their 1st, 3rd and 6th picks? Jon Kitna to the IR, essentially ending his career with the Detroit Lions?

And here I was, totally expecting the trade deadline to be a non-event.

I applaud both moves! Golf claps all around for Martin Mayhew! If this is how Mayhew begins his bid to impress the Fords and the fanbase, and make his bid become the Lions' GM, I have to say he's made one Hell of a first impression. One seriously GOOD first impression.  I"m not saying give Mayhew the gig, but you have to admit, he's proven to be quite competent since the shackles of Millen have been removed.

Mayhew robbed the Cowboys blind. No way Williams would re-sign with Detroit next season, and franchise tagging him would have been cap suicide. So instead, Mayhew took Jerry Jones to the cleaners in getting damn near a King's ransom for a player who wasn't going to be a member of the 2009 Detroit Lions. 

Taking another team to the cleaners is something you could never say about any of Matt Millen's moves. In fact, it was usually the other way around (the Dre' Bly trade). That alone shows the Lions are moving forward, in a good way, in a post-Millen era. 

As for Kitna, I'm sure his back is dinged up, but hurt enough to miss the rest of the season? I doubt it. But it was obvious his time in the D was running out. Kitna's 36 and was playing like he's 66. About the only person in the Detroti organization backing him was a coach whose picture is next to the term "lame duck" in the encyclopedia. Kitna was also visably pissed the Lions are no longer letting him throw the ball 40 times a game in Jim Colletto's (admittedly mediocre) offense.

Turns out Kitna was only a "leader" when allowed to run Mike Martz's pass happy offense. In other words, his intangibles were overrated. Kitna only had intangibles when he got his way. Good riddance.

I'm sure I'll have more thoughts later... But for the time being, the Lions get 2 TWFE thumbs up!

Detroit Lions @ Minnesota Vikings - Final thoughts: The refs didn't cost the Lions the game, but they sure as Hell helped

1. First things first. I realize all Lions fans are blaming the refereeing for the loss. And yes, I do agree the refs had not a clue, and made a couple of bizarre calls which royally screwed over the Lions. The big one was the pass interference call on Leigh Bodden. It was as bogus a call I've ever seen. A phantom penalty without question. The blown call gave the Vikings a short field, allowing them to play for the game winning field goal.

The "phantom" pass interference penalty.

I'm still PISSED over the blatantly bad call.

The other call was just as mystifying. I have no idea what the refs were looking at on the Calvin Johnson "fumble." I didn't know ripping the ball out of an in injured player's hands when he's down was considered a fumble! Let alone the fact Johnson was knocked out of the game on the same play thanks to an illegal helmet to helmet hit.

Sure, the refs were beyond awful to the point of blowing goats, and need to be called out. I'm sure the NFL will be hearing from the Lions tomorrow, not that it will make a whit of difference. But the loss is not all on the refs, and I bet Rod Marinelli says as much (along with "pound the rock," "it's on me" and "I already answered that") at the Monday presser. The Lions more than helped to dig their own 0-5 grave.

The offense was, for long stretches, incapable of getting positive yards. The defense played the best they have all season, but it's all relative. They still gave up 392 yards to a Vikings offense led by the immortal (only because he once knocked himself out of a game for celebrating a score by head butting a stadium wall) journeyman, Gus Ferrotte. At the very least, Ferrotte didn't run out of the back of the end zone...

The Vikings aren't that good. Playing in the NFC North is the only reason they have a shot at the playoffs. So losing in the last second to such a mediocre NFL team is nothing to be proud of, even if the refs did have a hand in it. The Lions didn't deserve to win. Period.

One close loss after 4 blowout debacles is nothing to get excited about. This is still a lousy team that will lose 10 + games, and will have new coach in 2009.

Dan Orlovsky on his moronic safety: "Oh, you're just an idiot!"

I would have added "dumb ass moron!"

2. Dan Orlovsky running out of the end zone for a safety was INEXCUSABLE, and turned out to be the difference on the scoreboard. High school QB's have a better sense of field awareness than Orlovsky showed on the play. Such sheer stupidity from your most important player is how you lose games.

That's important to note, because Orlovsky isn't a playmaker. He is merely a game manager, and not a very good one at that. Your QB finishing 12-21-150-1 TD will not win you many games. When you can't win on your own, then you sure as Hell better not make mistakes that gives the opposition easy points.

Personally, I'm ready for the Drew Stanton era to begin.

3. Here's the stats for Detroit's running back tandem:

Kevin Smith: 5 carries, 62 yards, 12.4 YPC.
Rudi Johnson: 17 carries, 38 yards, 2.2 YPC.

Why is Smith's status as the Lions' best running back even in question? He should be getting the majority of the carries. I've given up trying to figure out Marinelli's depth chart, save for one thing that's obvious. Being a veteran player means more to him than having actual talent.

4. It took Lions defensive coordinator Joe Barry 4 games to figure out his defense needed to blitz, and blitz often, in order to pressure the QB. After committing to the blitz, the Detroit defense ended up with 5 sacks, after having 4 in 4 games. I guess that's why Barry makes the big bucks, huh?

I know the Lions can't blitz every down, or even every series, as when you live by the blitz, you die by the blitz. NFL offenses will figure it out, and gameplan accordingly. But the Lions' coaches had to do something, anything, to keep the opposition QB's from picking the d-backfield apart. Bringing linebackers, corners and safeties on blitzes to pressure the QB was the obvious solution.

Blitzing early and often worked at times against Ferrotte, but he's a brain-addled version of Jon Kitna. Even with the pressure, Ferrotte still had 257 yards passing and a TD. There were still plenty of Vikings' wide outs running untouched in open space in the Detroit defensive backfield.

I doubt an everything but the kitchen sink blitzing strategy will work well against the likes of David Gerrard, Jake Delhomme, Kerry Collins, Peyton Manning and Drew Brees. All experienced QB's who have had more than fair share of success, and then some, in the NFL. Meaning the Lions will ultimately have to get QB pressure from their down linemen.

We have yet to see anyt sort of consistent pass rush from the front 4 during Marinelli's tenure as head coach. For someone who was sold to the fanbase as a miracle worker with down linemen, his not developing a dominant d-line will be Marinelli's downfall.

5. After the game, Leigh Bodden was quoted as wanting an apology from the NFL.

"I hope we get an apology, but that’s not going to get us a win," Bodden said. "And that really took us away from getting the ’W’ today."

Bodden wants an apology from the league, and I want $10 million and a hot blonde to materialize out of thin air, and into my lap. Neither one is going to happen.

6. I'm drained. Fucking mentally drained. The Lions just drain the emotion out of me, and not in a good way. At least my head didn't explode this week. But it's a loooong season...

One more thing...

To all the fans bitching and moaning about the Lions not getting calls from the referees; BAD TEAMS DON'T GET CALLS!

Detroit Lions @ Minnesota Vikings - 4th quarter: The Lions still lead...But for how long?

A Peterson run gets nada to start the money quarter.

Ferrotte is back to throw...Pearson Blitzes! Tip drill! Falls incomplete. 3rd and long.

Ferrotte is back to throw again...a short pass to Cupsandsaucer....SHIT! He has a seam! Cupsandsaucer is into Lions territory! Fuck us all!

On 2nd and 7 from the Detroit 43, it's Peterson up the middle...BALL! BALL! BALL! Bodden recovers! Detroit ball! YES! YES! YES! Oh fuck YES!

Dan O is going to throw...Looks deep...He's hit as he throws! It's Johnson DEEP DOWN THE MIDDLE! CAUGHT! Wait! Is the ball loose? Orlovsky is down, Johnson is still down! What the FUCK happened? Rather than figure it out, FOX goes to commercial. Dumbasses!

What's is the call? Fumble? Yes, that's the call. SHIT! Marinelli will challenge, there's the red flag. Boselli is convinced this will be overturned.

We're told Megatron is hurt.. From the looks of things, he had his bell rung, big time.

And here's the ref's call. The play fucking stands! SHITSHITSHIT! Fire the NFL refs!

Vikes take over at their 40. The Lions can't buy a fucking break, as the call could have gone either way. Fuck me. Fuck you. Fuck the NFL!

2nd and 6. Ferrotte is going to throw...WADE IS SO WIDE OPEN, there's no Lion even in the picture....He's off to the races...Hit at the 10...BALL! It's out of bounds, Vikes keep the ball, shit.  FIRE JOE BARRY!

A nice run by Taylor is called back, holding. Thank you, refs. 1st and goal from the 20. Incomplete pass on 1st down. Taylor is stuffed on 2nd down. Sims blew up the hole, the D then cleaned up.

3rd and goal. I'm hearing "Boo-urns!" again. Incomplete pass on 3rd and forever, the Vikes will kick a 38 yard FG. BLOCKED! There was pressure up the middle, and Devries got a paw on the ball! Lions take over! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The D makes another play!

Whew. It's been quite a while since we've had a close, tense Lions game. I'm all a-twitter!

It's 1st and 10 at the 27. Naked bootleg...Dan O hits Gaines for 15...BALL! Williams picks it up, gets a few more yards! Lions 1st down at the Vikes 49! Lucky break for the Leo's, which I am totally not used to seeing.

Rudi gets 3 up the gut. Big possession for the Lions, just under 9 minutes left. Run the ball, run the clock. Rudi again for 3 more. 3rd and 4, 8 minutes left.

Orlovsky wants to throw...No one open...He slides down at the 46. Call it a sack. Better than forcing the ball, I guess. Lions will punt.  Shitfuck.

A great punt by Harris pins the Vikings inside the 10! And we have a TV TO. Everyone compose themselves, the game is far from over.

7:23 left in the game, Vikes 1st and 10 at their own 9. Icomplete pass. 2nd and long.

Peterson takes a handoff...BLITZ! He loses 3! 3rd and long! Need a stop! And they get it, as all Ferrotte can do is dump the ball off, well short of the 1st down. "BOO-URNS!"

Lions take over at the 38 after a short return. FIRE KWAN!

Rudi gets a couple as the clock runs under the 6 minute mark. Orlovsky to Owens gets 3. 3rd and 6, 5 minutes left.

Dan O with the TO, 4:50 left. We see a shot of Calvin Johnson on the sideline, has a glazed over look about him. I doubt we'll see him again today. Damn it.

Big play, Lions need to convert. Orlovsky is pressured...rolls right...a misses an open Mike Furrey. Lions punt. Shit.

Harris BOOMS a punt, but it's in the end zone. Vikings ball at the 20. 4:41 left.

Peterson is soooo close to breaking one, as he gets 10 on 1st down. Ferrotte to Berrian, 2nd and 7, clock is still running. 3:30 left. A pass to Cupsandsaucer gets a 1st down at the 40. Vikes are moving, and only need a FG.

Swing pass to Peterson...Alexander with the nice open field tackle! 2nd and 15! Clock running...FLAG! False start, Vikings! w00t!

2nd and 20 from the 32, 2:22 left. Ferrotte has time...looks deep...FLAG ON BODDEN! FUCK! Pass interference! SHITSHITSHIT! That was a ticky-tack fucking call! A call a bad team never gets. LET THEM PLAY! Ball at the Lions 26.

It's Peterson...gets 10...SHIT! Yes! FLAG! Holding, 1st and 12 from the 26. It's Taylor...1st fucking down at the Detroit 16. DAAAAAAMN. 2 minute warning and the Vikings are in chip shot FG  territory.

I need drugs...

We're back. Peterson puts his head down...he's inside the 10. 1:44 left. Clock stoppage, Alexander is hurt. He lowered his head to take on Peterson, helmet to helmet, and lost. He's seeing stars. The celestial kind.

And the Lions will lose a TO. They have none left. Shit. When it fucking rains, it fucking pours.

Peterson gets nothing on 2nd down.

1 minute left, 3rd and 7. Peterson up the gut, gets a handful, Longwell will come in for the chip shot figgie as the Vikes let the clock run all the way down. TO purple, 12 seconds left. Shit.

The kick is from 26 yards out...good. 12-10 Vikings. God dammit. 9 seconds left. Game, set, match.

Boselli is going on about the Lions needing a big return. HAS HE SEEN THE LIONS' SPECIAL TEAMS?!

It's a squib kick, Middleton runs it back to the 40.

4 seconds left.

Hail Mary time.

Orlovsky is back...and never gets a chance to even cock is motherfucking arm. He's snowed under, sack.

That's the ball game, Vikings win 12-10.

Figures. Just as I finish this up, I get to see the Rams win their 1st game of the year. Anyone want to take bets as to when the Lions' get their first victory? I'm thinking it'll be sometime after the Lions reach double digit losses. I don't see a truly winnable game left on the schedule.

I can't beleive it. The Lions end up losing thanks to Orlovsky's brain fart/cramp/fog, by his giving the Vikings a free 2 points by running out of the end zone.

It's just like the Lions, they find incredible ways to lose. 

One thing I can assure you I don't want to hear is any "moral victory" bullshit coming from the Lions. To be blunt, the Vikings aren't exactly an NFL juggernaut, and Gus Ferrotte is what he is, a career journeyman. To lose by 2 to the Vikings is nothing to brag about.

Back later tonight with more thoughts.

Detroit Lions @ Minnesota Vikings - 3rd quarter: The Lions lead...But for how long?

FOX's Pitts and Boselli are informing us this, for the 10th time, this is a "trap game" for the Vikings. Indeed. I have to say this is a "miracle game"  for the Lions.

Quote from Marinelli via the sidelines chick: "We need better field position." No fucking shit, genius.

Lions will start at the 31. FIRE KWAN!

It's Rudi up the middle, gets 8! The Human Yellow Flag with the pancake block? This really is a "miracle game!"

Rudi again, off tackle, 1st down! It's Rudi again, off left tackle, gets 2. The Lions' game plan is becoming obvious. Keep the ball out of Orlovsky's hands.

Dan O to Williams leaves the Lions 3rd and 2 at the Vikes 49.  Orlovsky is back to pass...Finds Rudi on a cross, 1st down! Woo!

It's Rudi again! 10 yards and the 1st! YES! Shit, a flag. Holding on Mulatalo. FUCK ME! 1st and 20 from the Detroit 45.

Rudi is stuffed off tackle, 2nd and 21. Draw play gets 2. The Lions are uber-conservative, they don't trust Dan O.

3rd and 19. Dan O rolls right, no pressure, looks deep....Calvin Johnson is WIDE OPEN at the Vikings 17! HOLY SHIT! The Lions are driving! By the way, where has Megatron been all day?

Orlvosky rolls right...dumps it to Johnson...He's got the fucking corner! LEAPS! TD LIONS! Big time play by Calvin Johnson! WHOOOOOOOOOO! It's a 10 play, 69 yard drive. 69, heh...

Holy mother of God, the Lions are up 10-2 after the PAT! It's a "miracle game" indeed... I feel woozy, I think I'm gonna faint.

Vikings will start at the 25. FIRE KWAN!

On 2nd and long, it's Peterson with the ball...Oooo, he almost broke it! Bullocks with a shoestring tackle, goes for 13 yards.

2 more Peterson runs have the Vikings 3rd and 6 at their 42. Ferrotte is back...has time...BODDEN WITH THE PICK! YESYESYES! He read the comeback route, and stepped in front! The Lions' D makes another play!

Vikings fans are ready to hang Ferrotte in effigy! "Boo-urns!"

Lions will start at their 47. Dan O is back to throw...looks deep...It's Johnson and 2 Vikings...Where's the FUCKING FLAG?! There was contact! No call, 2nd down. Shit.

It's Rudi off tackle, 8 yards! The Lions are pounding the ball rock.

3rd and short...Felton up the gut...Nothing there. I do not like the idea of giving the ball to the FB when the RB have been gashing the Viking D. Colletto out thought himself. Which is hard to when you're fucking BRAIN DEAD!

Detroit will punt, Vikes ball at the 15. Let's go D! I can't believe I'm writing that...

4:47 left in the 3rd. Ferrotte is back to throw, finds Berrian crossing...AND THE LIONS MISS THE TACKLE! And there he goes, Berrian is gone to the house, an 85 yard TD.

After the PAT, Vikings only down 1, 10-9. We have a ballgame.

Motherfucking Lions! I soooo hate this team. Even with the lead, they somehow find a way to shoot themselves in the foot. Asses.

Let's see if the Lions can compose themselves after a major fuck up. Middleton returns the kick to the 20 FIRE KWAN!

Vikings D comes out fired up, blow up a Rudi Johnson run, they lose 4. I'm suddenly not feeling good about this game.

An incomplete pass leaves the Lions 3rd and 14. The Vikings' D suddenly smell blood.

Dan O is back....Shit, pressure from the left...FUCK! SACK! Manny Ramirez was just being Manny with the lookout block...

Vikings take the punt back to the 36.

The crowd is fired up. Peterson gets 3, 2nd and 7. Ferrotte to Wade...Nope, alligator arms the ball, drops incomplete. 3rd and 7.

Gus in the gun...Looks downfield...Kalvin Pearson blitzes, knocks the ball out of Ferrotte's hands! BAAAAAALLLLLL! Peterson falls on it, but a BIG loss! Vikings will have to punt. The Lions' D is getting lots of pressure by blitzing Ferrotte! It only took the God damn staff 4 fucking games to figure that out...

McDonald  with a nice return...Fuck! Flag! Block in the God damn back...

Lions will start at the 15. Dan O is back to throw...looks DEEP...Johnson is WIDE OPEN! But it's well underthrown....shit...but the Vikes DB hammers Megatron! That's pass fucking interference! FLAG! 39 yard penalty! Ball at the Vikings 46!

It's 3rd and 5 from the 41, Dan O wants to throw...SACK! And a FLAG! Holding on the Lions, either way, they were screwed. Detroit has to punt.

Nice kick by Harris, fair catch at the 8! 3 seconds left in the 3rd. The Lions will go into the 4th quarter with a lead! Oh yeah, almost forgot. FIRE KWAN!

Peterson gets 10 yards up the middle to end the 3rd.

10-9 Lions, in a baseball style slugfest. Be still my beating heart...

On to the 4th quarter.

Detroit Lions @ Minnesota Vikings - 2nd quarter: I'm ready for Stanton

Vikes start the 2nd quarter with a 2nd and 16. Peterson gets 6, ball at the Detroit 47.

Ferrotte is back to throw...SACK! Again? What the Hell? Devries from the outside! Vikings will have to punt.

Lions will start at the 20 on the touchback.

Well, the Lions are only down 2-0, instead of 21-0. Things are looking up! Right? RIGHT? Hell, I'm desperate for some good football. The D is playing fairly well. The offense? Not so good. Not good at all.

It's a handoff to Rudi...run blitz blows it up, 5 yard loss. 

Orlovsky is changing the play at the line...A pass to Williams gets 3. woo. 3rd and long.

Dan O is back to throw...stands up under pressure...ARRRGH! Williams with the one hand grab, but is just out of bounds! Would have been a great play, but it's only an incompletion. Rather than 1st and 10, Lions will punt.

After a penalty on the return, Vikes will start deep in their own territory.

Vikings fans have to be PISSED. The game shouldn't be this close.

It's Peterson on 1st down...nice open field tackle by Keith Smith! 2nd and 7. Peterson is stuffed again on 2nd. 3rd and 6.

Ferrotte is looking deep...ball is well overthrown, it's a 3 and out. Lions force another punt.

Furrey with a short return...and I see a Lion block in the back. Where's the flag? There it is... Jordon Dizon, let me tell you something. When you hold your hands out as if you are saying "I didn't block in the back," you blocked in the back. Jesus.

Dan Orlovsky's stats to this point:  3-7-15 yards. Yep, I'm ready for Drew Stanton.

Lions will start at their 13 after Dizon's brain cramp. Smith gets 4, a Viking is shaken up, we have a stoppage in play.

The Lions have 17 total yards on offense. Yep, I'm still ready for Drew Stanton.

Dan O is back to throw...Hits Roy for 17 over the middle! Holy shit, positive yardage! 1st and 10!

Smith gets a couple up the gut. Just over 8 minutes left in the half. I still fell good! Fingers crossed, everyone!

Another Smith run leaves Detroit 3rd and 4. Dan O is back to throw....he's drilled as he throws the ball, it falls harmlessly incomplete. Nick Harris is working up a sweat, as he has to punt for the 4th time so far today.

Nice kick, no return, Vikes at their 11. I gotta say it. FIRE STAN KWAN!

The Vikes have a 3rd and l5, Ferrotte to Berrian converts. Bodden gave him A 10 YARD CUSHION? FUCK! What are the odds the Lions waive him after the season instead of honoring the HUGE ASS extension he signed in the preseason? The odds are damn good.

The Vikings have another 3rd and long...Big pressure from Bodden on a corner blitz! Ball is deflected, Vikes will punt.

We now have McDonald returning punts, Detroit will start at their 31.

It's 2nd and short...Handoff to Smith...HE'S CLEAR! Smith is off to the races...nice cutback....and is down at the Vikings 12! 50 fucking yards! Hot damn! YESYESYES! Why isn't Smith playing more?

Dan O under center..and he fumbles the fucking snap! 2nd and 10. Dan O is back to throw...The Vikes stunt, and Orlovsky is BURIED! 3rd and fucking 21! ARRRRGH! GRRRRR! HUR.........

The Lions turtle, rather than risk another fuck up, as Smith gets a couple on a draw that fools no one. 2 minute warning! Hanson will some out for the field goal attempt.

It's dead solid perfect from 40, Lions lead? Huh? What the Hell? We are officially in bizzarro land.

3-2 good guys.

Decent coverage from Detroit, as the Vikes will start inside their 20.

Ferrotte to Wade gets the Vikings a quick 1st down. A pass to the TE has the Vikings at their 38, clock is running. A screen isn't there, Ferrotte turfs the ball. 1:01 left in the half.

Ferrotte dumps the ball to Taylor, gets 8, TO Vikings. 0:52 left. Can the Lions actually end the half with the lead?

3rd and 2. Ferrotte looks down the sidelines...incomplete! Vikings will....punt? I'm not used to seeing a defense get stops. The Lions will start at the 20 after a touchback.

The Vikings fans are yelling "Boo-urns! Boo-urns!"

0:41 left in the half. The Lions are more than happy to leave the field with the lead, as a handoff to Smith gets zip, and the Lions let the clock run out.

I hear more "Boo-urns!" from the Minny crowd as their team leaves the field. They aren't happy, and I don't blame them. The Vikings are losing to the worst team in the NFL!

This game has been all about the Detroit defense. Period. Thanks to a surprisingly stiff D, and the long run by Kevin Smith, the Leo's lead at the half for the first time in...Well, in the regular season, I honestly can't remember.

Dan Orlovsky has been "meh" at best. He's 5-10-39 yards.
Kevin Smith has been the entire offense, 5 carries, 62 yards. Rudi? 5 carries, 1 yard.
The Detroit defense has 4 sacks, and has been the story of the game.

I got an email from a Roger asking for a pic of a hot chick to keep our spirits up. There ya go, Olivia Munn wearing a nerd's dream, the Princess Leia bikini!

A note from Josh in the comments...

You know something's wrong when the Vikings don't score over 30 points on that Lions D.

Fucking A'. If I'm a Vikes fan, I'm not happy. Not happy at all.

See you in the 3rd quarter.

Detroit Lions @ Minnesota Vikings - 1st quarter: I do not believe in now

A few pregame thoughts before I become a raving, incoherent loon...

There was talk during the WXYT Lions pregame that Drew Henson was going to be the backup to Dan Orlovsky, and not Drew Stanton. My blood pressure immediately SPIKED.

The inactives have been announced, and as we all expected, Jon Pickna Shitna Kitna is out. But I'm feeling better, as Henson is the number 3 emergency QB, and not Stanton. Thank fucking GOD the coaching staff still has a little common sense!

From PFT:

Lions inactives: QB Drew Henson (3rd), QB Jon Kitna, LB Gilbert Gardner, G Stephen Peterman, DT Damion Cook, DT Andre Fluellen, DE Ikaika Alama-Francis, DE Landon Cohen.

Vikings inactives: QB John David Booty (3rd), WR Sidney Rice, DB Madieu Williams, FB Thomas Tapeh, T Drew Radovich, OT Marcus Johnson, FB Jeff Dugan, DT Letroy Guion.

During the FOX 2 pregame, Killer Kowalski claimed Kitna's back injury may not be a short term thing. He may be out next week as well. If it takes an injury to Kitna for the Lions to FINALLY find out if they have anything in either Dan O or Sparty's finest, so be it.

One other question is raised by whom the Lions have on the inactive list.  Can we now make it official? (if we haven't already) Ikaika Alma-Francis is a MASSIVE bust, a total waste of a 2nd round pick. Christ, the inactive list is littered with Rod Marinelli approved d-linemen. Christ almighty, I HATE the Lions.

A quick pregame note from the Oakland Press' Dave Birkett:

(Roy) Williams is a free-agent-to-be and the Lions' likely will look to franchise him in the offseason with the intent of trading him for players and/or draft picks. The Chiefs did it last year with Jared Allen (to Minnesota for a first-rounder) and the Packers with Corey Williams (to Cleveland for a second).

If I was running the Lions I'd take the Miami approach — the Dolphins traded Chris Chambers to San Diego at last year's deadline for a second-round pick. But I'm not, and those who are still believe they can turn the season around.

What I just said about the Lions and common sense? Never mind. Forget I ever said it...

Game time!

We join FOX's Ron Pitts and Tony Boselli, who are live from the house of horrors known as the Hubert H. Humphrey/Hefty/Homer/Baggiedome. I'm live from my living room in midst of the financial ruin that is SE MI!

The Lions win the toss and defer? HUH? I guess they wanted Dan O to be even more nervous by waiting even longer to take his first snaps as an NFL starter.

The Vikes start on their 22. On 2nd down, Gus Ferrotte looks DEEP! And it's obvious pass interference on Leigh Bodden! Here we go again... Jesus Chirst.

Ferrotte is back to pass on 1st down...and it's a blitz? SACK! A big loss! Wow, the Lions pressuring the QB?  I'm at a loss for words.

Oooooo! Big hit by Daniel Bullocks on Peterson! Bullocks is one of the few young Lions playing anything worth a damn. One of the VERY  few.

Amazingly, the Lions get a stop on 3rd and long, but the Vikings punt is downed at the 1 yard line. Hell of a position for Dan O to take his first starting snaps. I expect 3 Rudi Johnson runs...

And the Lions start with Rudi, gets a couple. Rudi again, up the gut, gets zip. Come on, no way the Lions can run against the Vikes D. Not gonna happen.

Dan O is back to pass, rolls right in the end zone as there is pressure...dumps it off to Kevin Smith, well short of the 1st down. A very inauspicious start for Orlovsky.

Vikes get a nice punt return, will start in Lions territory. FIRE KWAN! What? A flag, personal foul on the Vikings! The Lions get a break. Still, I have to do it...

FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN!

I feel better.

Vikes start at their 33 after the penalty. On 2nd and long, ol' Gus looks deep...LOTS OF TIME...It's Berrian WIDE FUCKING OPEN on a corner route! He's all the way down to the Detroit 35. FIRE MARINELLI!  I want Joe Barry's head on a stick! Son of a bitch.

Well, at least the Lions have done a good job against Adrain Peterson so far. Doe it make a difference when GUS FUCKING FERROTTE is picking the d-backfield apart?

The Lions D gets a break, as Peterson drops a screen pass on 3rd down. That might have been a big play... The Vikes have yet to score, but they are winning the game of field position.

After a punt just misses the coffin corner (I love the coffin corner, it's not done near enough). the Lions will start at their 20.

The Vikings D is going after Dan O, big rush pressure on a 1st down incompletion. I bet we see Stanton sometime today, as I have a feeling Orlovsky is going to take a pounding.

Dan O is back to throw on 3rd and long...Has to check off to Smith...short of the sticks. Orlovsky doesn't look too overwhelmed on the field, but the team around him BLOWS GOATS. He won't get much help from his teammates, to say the very least.

Vikes take over on their 27 after a Nick Harris punt.

The FOX guys are going on about Marinelli not quitting. Of course he's not quitting. If Rod quits, HE DOESN"T GET PAID. Duh.

We have our first big Peterson run of the day, getting 12 on 2nd down. He's going to explode, I just just know it. It's not if he blows up, but when.

Ferrotte continues to look like a All-Pro, picking the Lions' D apart. 2 completions have the Vikes at the Detroit 41.

Gus is back to throw on 2nd down, BLITZ! Ernie Sims buries Ferrotte! WHOOO! But Jared Devries is shaken up. Not a biggie, the Lions have 35 d-linemen on the roster, right? Oh yeah, most of them are inactive...

Hey, the next "House" episode looks good. Better than watching the Lions, anyway.

It's 3rd and long...Ferrotte finds Chester Taylor crossing the middle, find the corner, 1st God damn down.

Ferrotte throws again, 1st God damn down. Vikes at the Lions' 20.

2 Peterson runs leave the Vikings a 3rd and 1. I'm not confident we'll see a stop here...

Peterson up the gut...1st dow...BALL! Lions recover at the 1 yard line! Bullocks put his hat on the ball! Lions have someone making plays? Will wonders never cease?

"24" has a 2 hour movie coming up. I'm so fucking there...

1st and 10 from the 1, Dan O fades back...And throws the ball into the turf. Actually a good play by Orlkovsky, as there was NOTHING there. A screen pass would have been blown up...blown up good.

Dan O just misses Roy Williams on a long pass. Williams might have been able to make a play, though it would have been tough. You expect big money, you need to make those plays.  Good as he is, Roy doesn't make those plays.

And we have a time out, Lions. 0:21 left in the 1st.

3rd and 99 to go...NONONONONONONONONONONO! Fucking NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Orlovsky fades back, rolls right...and runs right the fuck out of the end zone! He had NO FUCKING CLUE where he was in relation to the end line. Stupid, stupid, stupid, mistake. Safety Vikings.

2-0 Minny. And so it goes...

Harris will punt...It's a monster kick...But Gordon breaks a nice return, and is down at the Lions 44! FIRE KWAN! RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

Gus is back to throw...SACK! At least the Lions are pressuring the QB today.

That's the 1st quarter. 2-0 Vikings. I'm still not bleeding from any part of my body...yet.

Detroit Lions @ Minnesota Vikings - Pregame thoughts

Game Information: Lions @ Vikings

Kickoff: 1 p.m. EDT

Stadium: Hefty/Homer/Baggiedome

Television: WJBK-TV FOX Ch.2

Play-By-Play: Ron (Lions are the) Pitts

Color: Tony Boselli

Sideline: Charissa Thompson

Lions Radio Network Flagship: 97.1 FM The Ticket (WXYT-FM)

Play-By-Play: Dan Miller

Color: Jim Brandstatter

Sidelines: Tony Ortiz

2008 Records: Lions, 0-4; Vikings, 2-3

The 5 things I'm watching, GODDAMMIT!

(Why only 5? Thinking about the Lions for any length of time sends my blood pressure to dangerous levels. The last thing I need is copious amounts of blood spurting out of my orifices...)

QB Bingo: Supposedly, the playing status of Jon Pickna Shitna Kitna will be a game time decision, though most observers think there's will be no "miracle" recovery from whatever is ailing his back. Thus, we shall see the first NFL start for Dan Orlovsky. From what little I've seen of Dan-O the past few seasons, my expectations are lower than the completion percentage of Michigan's QB's. In other words, I don't expect Pickna Shitna Kitna to be Wally Pipped.

I'd like to see Drew Stanton play, as would everyone who considers themselves fans of the Lions.  But knowing Marinelli is stubborn to the point of insanity, and is loathe to play inexperienced players, I doubt Stanton sees the playing field.

The schemes aren't working: The Lions' offensive coordinator has been an EPIC FAIL up to this point of the season. His no-huddle offense gambit last Sunday was, as has everything else Colletto has tried this season, an EPIC FAIL. What do I expect from the Lions offense against the Vikings? You guessed it! More EPIC FAIL.

As for Joe Barry's league worst defense, EPIC FAIL is only a starting point. The defense began the season badly, and is getting worse.

If Wayne Fontes were coaching this team, he would have replaced Colletto and Barry twice over by now. Say what you will about the Big Buck as a coach, at least he had the confidence (or the sheer sense of desperation) to cut bait on schemes that weren't working. Can't say the same about Rod Marinelli, he's going to ride Colletto and Barry right to the unemployment line.

One more thing...EPIC FAIL!

Adrian Peterson: He's going to have a monster game against the Lions lousy front 7. You can book it. 200 yards on the ground may only be the starting point...

21-0: Will the Vikings be the 5th straight team to take a 3 score lead on the Lions in the 1st half? Hell, the Lions couldn't stop immortals like Kyle Orton and Matt Ryan, so why expect anything different with the Vikings' Gus Ferrotte under center? Blowouts will be the norm, instead of the exception. The Lions are a BAD team.

The odds I'll have a conniption fit by 4PM Sunday afternoon: 2-5. It's a sure bet, folks.

See you in the live blog Sunday at 1PM! Be there for the drama, stay for the profanity, and watch the sparks (and maybe a little blood) fly!

Apparently the Michigan Wolverines won't be winning the MAC this season...

...or any other conference.

How do the Wolverines lose to one of the MAC's bottom feeders, the Toledo Rockets? Pretty easily, as it turns out. The MAC's worst team beat the Wolverines 13-10 in a game only that close thanks to Toledo repeatedly shooting themselves in the foot.

The torches and pitchforks will be out in A2 tonight. I'd expect nothing less after losing to a MAC team for the FIRST TIME EVER! This is an embarrassing loss for the program, possibly even worse than the Appalachian St. game.

It's time to face facts. I don't see this Michigan team having a winning season, God forbid make a bowl game. The offense is Sam McGuffie and nothing else, the defense is a HUGE disappointment. The 2 QB's, Threet and Sheridan, are more inaccurate than a political attack ad. This is one poorly coached team, without the talent it needs to run Rich Rodriguez's highly specialized offense.

I still think RichRod is a good coach. He proved it at WVU. You don't win at a school like West Virgina if you can't coach a little. Actually, a lot. But with the Wolverines at 2-4, and likely to finish in the bottom half of what is a lousy Big 10, RichRod will quite deservedly get raked over the coals....repeatedly.

I wasn't expecting a Rose Bowl this season, but 7 wins should have been the bare minimum with the talent on hand. I could have lived with 6 wins, just because of the circumstances surrounding the coaching change. But I can't see the Wolverines winning more than a game or two more the rest of the season.

Next up are Penn St. and Sparty. They have to be licking their chops, taking out YEARS of frustration upon their now down on their luck nemesis. I can easily see the Wolverines going into the tOSU game with a 3-8 or 4-7 record, then getting pounded to within an inch of their lives by the bucknuts.

Christ, I'm not sure how to handle a bad Michigan football team. This is uncharted territory for most fans of U of M. I've been a Wolverines fan since I was 7 years old, and I've never had to live through a losing season. EVER.

That's about to change, and I'm not happy.

The Rod Marinelli jokes of the day!

Sorry about the short posts today, but I'm feeling a little rough...But not rough enough to keep me from coming up with a few more Rod Marinelli jokes!

Rod Marinelli walks into a building and says to the clerk, "I'd like to pound the rock!" The clerk says, "This is a library." Then Rod whispers, "Sorry, I'd like to pound the rock."

What stops then goes then stops then goes? Rod Marinelli pounding the rock at a blinking red light.

A priest, a rabbi, a doctor, and Rod Marinelli go into a bar, and the bartender asks, "What is this, a joke?"

Up in smoke, that's where Chuck's money goes...

Yesterday, after a long, arduous process, an arbiter finally ordered Charles "Cheech" Rogers to return $8.5 million to the Detroit Lions. It was determined when Rogers violated the NFL's substance abuse policy, he also defaulted on his contract.

Whatever the Lions are able to collect from Cheech, they can have credited to their salary cap. Unfortunately, when the team went to collect their cash from Rogers, all they found was this...

I'm not sure what bongs get on the open market,

but I doubt it's anywhere near $8.5 million...

I don't think the NFL will give the Lions any salary cap credit on a house full of bongs, power hitters, hookahs, pipes, vaporizers, roach clips, Phillies Blunts and brownie mix.

On the other hand, the Lions can now add a head shop to Ford Field.

The Knee Jerks: WTF with Eno and Al - Episode 2: Let's talk about GOOD teams

It's Thursday, you know what that means? No, it's not time to watch The Office. No, not time to watch Louisville or Colorado State play their game weekly night game on ESPN. 

If it's Thursday, it means it's time for The Knee Jerks, a weekly chat I have with Greg Eno, the man who blogs incessantly at Out of Bounds, Where Have You Gone, Johnny Grubb?, and Spoiled Sports.

During today's chat, we touch on the good teams in Detroit, the Red Wings, Pistons and even the Shock. I do squeeze in a Lions rant as well...

Eno: Welcome to Episode Two of The Knee Jerks! How long did it take you to recover from Episode 1?

Big Al: I'm still not fully recovered, to be honest. I'm an emotional dude, you know?

Eno: Ya think? I thought you were gonna blow out an aorta over the Lions. Why do you do that to yourself? They're really not worth it, are they?

Big Al: First off, I appreciate everyone's concern. I was actually getting emails and comments from readers of TWFE worried about my health! Every year I tell myself I'm not going to get sucked in, then it all goes out the window when the season starts. I know they aren't worth it, but it's FOOTBALL!

Eno: Yeah, yeah – half of it is, anyway. The half played by the Lions' opponents. OK, where do you want to go first? Stay with the Lions or do you have other rants in mind?

Big Al: How about we talk a little Red Wings, as they are totally worth it. The Lions have a team that's barely semi-pro, and the Wings are sending players to Grand Rapids who would be playing big minutes on most NHL teams! Talk about a contrast. The Wings have an embarrassment of riches, while the Lions are just an embarrassment.

Eno: Yeah, I was in a conference call with Mike Babcock and Kenny Holland Tuesday, and the two of them are like peanut butter and jelly; they work so well together. Babcock sounded literally awestruck by the quality of players he had to "demote" to Grand Rapids.

Big Al: The Red Wings are the best run team in pro sports, bar none. From scouting, to coaching, to ownership, the Red Wings do everything the right way. First class and with smarts.

Eno: Holland started as a scout, you know. And so did Jimmy Devellano. Now they're even "grooming" scouts. Mark Howe and Patty Verbeek in the pros, and Hakkan Andersson's European staff is without peer. It's almost boring to talk about them. Can't you think of anything to complain about? That's our job, isn't it?

Big Al: Exactly. There's only so much you can say about a championship team that actually IMPROVED over the off season. It's going to make for a boring regular season, to be honest. The Wings are going to steamroll the rest of the NHL.

Eno: Holland said something interesting. He said out of 82 games, he figures the Wings will play about 70 "playoff" games, because of the bulls' eye and the parity in the league. And he says to look out for Chicago.

Big Al: The Blackhawks signing away the smartest man in hockey, Scotty Bowman, was the only downside to this past off season. Add his brilliance to the 'Hawks seemingly having the Wings number in the regular season, and their meetings will be highlights of the NHL season!

Eno: There's been speculation – and I threw fuel on the fire in Out of Bounds – that Scotty's not going over there to just be a consultant. In other words, he might have the itch to coach again. You believe any of that?

Big Al: If Bowman was 10 years younger, I would. He's not getting any younger, though. He could pass for a man 15 years his junior.

Eno: Yeah, he looks great for 75. OK, so how about the new NHL schedule, which allows for more inter-conference games this season? No longer will teams play eight games per divisional opponent.

Big Al: THANK GOD! I missed seeing the Original Six teams. The schedule isn't perfect, but it's a start. Don't get me going on the scheduling though. The Eastern time zone teams playing in the Western Conference is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves in all of sports.

Eno: I've said it many times before: put the Original Six in one division and the hell with everyone else. Can you imagine such a thing? At least put the Red Wings in the East, for God's sakes. Remember when they were gonna move the Penguins? Of course, that was pre-Sidney Crosby.

Big Al: I love the idea of an Original Six division! Too bad it'll never happen, but we can dream. As for Pittsburgh, I would have felt bad for Pens fans...for about 60 seconds.

Eno: OK, all of us want to know: will the Red Wings follow that "steamrolling" season with another Cup? Yes or no, and why or why not?

Big Al: Yes, and just because. What? "just because” isn't a good enough reason? The Wings will win because they have the most talented roster, the best head coach in the NHL (Babcock is criminally underrated; he doesn't get near enough credit), and Nick Lidstrom.

Eno: Ahh, yes, but you know as well as anyone that, believe it or not, that's not always enough to win in those zany NHL playoffs. The Wings were a fluke goal away from beating Anaheim in '07, as far as I'm concerned. They would have beaten Ottawa, too. So in my mind the Wings are going for their third straight Cup – which they WILL get, by the way. I'm loathe to say that now, but the '09 Cup will make up for the '07 thing and they'll be back-to-back champs one way or another. Make sense?

Big Al: Total sense. But then again, I'm taking lots of drugs...prescribed by my doctor!

Eno: At least they're prescribed. OK, so we both agree that there'll be another Cup in Detroit. Fine. But switching gears to the court, is Michael Curry the right man for the Pistons at this time?

Big Al: If he's not, I'm sure the Pistons themselves will let us know. They have had a great time in camp throwing Flip Saunders under the proverbial bus. Curry is already scoring points in my book by moving Antonio McDyess back to the sixth man role, and putting the baby-eating man-child known as Amir Johnson into the starting lineup.

Eno: It's funny with NBA coaches. First you hire a nice guy (George Irvine) then you hire a not-so-nice guy (Rick Carlisle) then you hire a tactician (Larry Brown) then you hire another nice guy (Flip Saunders) then you hire a not-so-nice guy (Michael Curry). Then, when Curry gets the ziggy, they'll need a nice guy again. And on and on.

Big Al: Win 50 games, get the ziggy! A Pistons head coach has the life expectancy of a fruit fly, so I wish Curry luck. He's going to need it when dealing with the forceful personalities/head cases on the Detroit roster.

Eno: You got that right. Joe Dumars has a fetish for canning them after 2-3 years, on schedule. Where's Chuck Daly, the master of dealing with Type A personalities? I thought it was kinda funny how the players, especially Rip Hamilton, trashed Flip. Didn't hear that when they were going 35-5 in his first year, or after winning Game 2 in Boston. Hmmm..... Anyhow, your surprise team in the NBA this year? Or do you not care enough to give me one?

Big Al: Huh? What sport are we talking about? Oh yeah, the NBA. Surprise team? Toronto. Why? I LOVE Chris Bosh. Damn you DARKO (Milicic)! Bosh could have been a Piston! *shakes fist at sky*

Eno: That's not bad. Mine may not be a surprise, but I say look for New Orleans in the NBA Finals. They added James Posey. What else ya got on your agenda?

Big Al: TRADE ROY WILLIAMS! TODAY!

Eno: Aha! I KNEW you'd work a Lions rant in there sooner or later! OK, smarty pants, where? For what? What's he worth anymore? Even Roy says he's good for a third rounder and that's about it. And wouldn't it be JUST LIKE the Lions to trade from a position of weakness?

Big Al: At this point, I'd be happy with a first day draft pick and a six-pack of Gatorade. Williams isn't coming back in '09, and he's not worth a franchise tag. If I'm (Lions GM) Martin Mayhew, I'm calling Jerry Jones in Dallas every five minutes.

Eno: Do they NEED a WR in Dallas?

Big Al: Not really. And I know Jones told the media he wasn't making any trades. But you put Williams on a good team, where he wouldn't have to be the number 1 receiver? Roy would blow up – when he wasn't dropping passes, that is.

Eno: OK, we gotta wrap this up. I might open up a can of worms here, but...can you muster up a little shout out for the Detroit Shock, oh Mr. “I Hate Womens Sports” Guy?

Big Al: I felt bad for them. Really! The Shock had to play at EMU, about 500 people showed up for their celebration, and most of Detroit didn't even know they were playing in the WNBA Finals. If their title proved one thing, it's that Bill Laimbeer is ready for an NBA job. But good for the Shock. Congrats from this misogynistic blogger.

Eno: Wow! The Upset of the Century! OK, Big Guy...in the words of Groucho Marx: "I've had a lovely evening. But this wasn't it." No, seriously – had a great time and I'll see ya next week.

Big Al: As Groucho says, "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana!" It's been real, Eno! See ya next week; same bat time, same bat channel!

The Rod Marinelli jokes of the day!

Rod Marinelli walks into a bar ....OUCH !!!!! Then he starts pounding the rock.

******

A Scotsman, Italian, and Rod Marinelli are in a bar.
They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.

Then the Scotsman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"

The others agree that sounds like a good place.

Then the Italian says, "Yeah,that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Venice, there's this place, Vito's. At Vito's, you buy a drink, Vito buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vito buys you another drink."

Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then Rod Marinelli says, "You think that's great? Where I come from in Detroit, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, you buy a drink, then you pound the rock!

No one thinks that sounds like a great bar...

*****

Rod Marinelli walks into a bar, sits down at the barstool, and waits for the bartender.

The bartender walks up, hands Rod a menu, waits a while, and comes back to take his order. "What'll it be?" the bartender says.

Rod says, "I think I'll pound the rock." "Well, I'm sorry sir, but this is a bar, we don't pound rocks here. Now, I'll let you look a bit longer and wave when you know what you want."

Rod looks at the menu, then waves the bartender down. "OK, you got your order?" Rod nods, saying, "I'll think I'll pound the rock."

The bartender, kind of peeved by Rod's demands says, "Look, we don't have any rocks here. This is a bar. We don't pound the rock, so what will you have?!"

Rod looks at him in the eyes and says, "I'll pound the rock."

The bartender, enraged, shouts, "If you ask to pound the rock one more time I'm going to nail your ass to the barstool!!"

The bartender cools off a bit. "Now what will you have?!" Rod asks, "Got any nails?" "OF COURSE WE DON'T HAVE ANY NAILS! WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS? A HARDWARE STORE?"

"Good, can I pound the rock?"

Who will be the next coach of the Detroit Lions?

Today, as after I woke from one of my too frequent naps, there was a note that had been slipped under my door. What did this note contain? William Clay Ford's short list of replacements for Rod Marinelli. No shit!

The names on the list, with my thoughts, follow.

Wayne Fontes: Why the Hell not? Playoffs every other year, then a high draft pick in the years the Lions miss the post season. The Big Buck was made of Teflon, a master scapegoater, players LOVED him and the media were hugely entertained by him. The fact we all pine for those days of of high drama, higher comedy and utter mediocrity says something. Not something good, but something all the same. Plus, he's available.

The bad old days...

Beefshower: In the comments to this post, Beefshower, aka Andrew of the Mickey Tettleton Memorial Overpass, threw his hat into the Lions coaching ring. Word must have reached WCF, as he's on the short list. I'll let Andrew's words speak for themselves.

"I'm throwing my hat into the ring for the coaching job. Let me run the same 8 plays from my tecmo super bowl playbook and I guarantee 50 points a game. I don't know what I'd do on defense though. Maybe I'll try to talk David Fulcher out of retirement."

Sounds like one of The Big Buck's run and shoot offenses, actually. Where's Mouse Davis these days? But I digress...

Beefshower or Steve Nash?
Not even their mothers can tell the difference...

For those of you who don't know who Fulcher is, he was only the best defender in Tecmo Super Bowl, if not all of football video gaming. Obviously, Andrew knows what he's talking about. You have to admire a man with a plan. The only question is, does Beefshower have the time, with his budding law career? Hell, we both know he'd take the running the Lions over becoming the next Matlock in a New York minute, though I'm sure Andrew looks dandy wearing a seersucker suit...

Lloyd Carr: When not hanging out with BFF Russell Crowe or plotting against Les Miles, Lllloyd doesn't have anything better to do right now. 4 loss seasons raised the hackles of Wolverine nation, but 4 loss seasons with the Lions would get Lllloyd his own statue in front of Ford Field.

This has to be a photoshop.

As we all know, Lllloyd NEVER smiled.

Gary Moeller: Ditto...when he's not getting trashed in restaurants.

Then again, what's drunkenly bitching out a waitstaff when Fontes got busted with nose candy? For some reason I cannot fathom, WCF likes Moeller. It may be due to the fact Mo is one of the few head coaches in Lions' history with a winning record, a big time 4-3.

The reason behind Moeller's drunken tirade?

The waiter made fun of the straight brim on his cap.

Bill Ford, Jr: As it appears the Fords are making plenty of personnel decisions from the owner's box (the drafting, then starting, of Joey Blue Skies being one of the more prominent examples), let's just cut out the middleman, and put a Ford on the sidelines. Considering Ford Motor Company is struggling to stay solvent, Junior may have plenty of time on his hands to run his father's meal ticket.

"I was this close to choking Millen out..."

Bobby Williams: Token minority interview.

The most famous quote from Williams' MSU tenure?

"I don't know."

Eric Taylor, aka the coach running the Dillon Panthers on NBC's Friday Night Lights: Turns out WCF is a fan of of the show. Unfortunately, Ford believes he's watching a documentary.

Why interview a high school coach?

WCF really wants to meet his HOT wife...

Matt Millen: When a Ford is paying you $5 million a season, he expects you to earn it. Also, you cannot deny WCF loves Matt Millen like a red headed stepson. I'd think Millen would be interested, as long as he could commute from Pennsylvania. Show up in the D Friday morning, fly out Sunday night, just like when he was president and GM. It'll be just like old times!

"You'll rue the day I was fired!
Uh, what's 'rue' mean?"

It's going to be a long, scary coaching search, sports fans!

Your Rod Marinelli jokes of the day!

What do you call a coach who continually pounds the rock? Fired.

Who put a LolRod on the Jumbotron?!

What has 6 eyes, but can't see? The Lions' coaching triumvirate of Rod Marinelli, Joe Barry and Jim Colletto.

Why did Rod Marinelli fire Mike Martz? Martz wouldn't pound the rock. (Wait a sec...that's the damn truth!)

Housekeeping: I'm tired!

Just a quick personal update today, as I'm feeling extremely whipped.

For those of you concerned about my health, and the Lions' ineptitude will end up causing my early demise, not to worry. The fog of hate has lifted, and I'm still feeling decent, save for tiring easily, thanks to that pesky internal bleeding.

Which leads me to today. I talked to the gastroencologist this afternoon, and the verdict is...to check out the plumping from BOTH ends. WHEEE!

So I have both a colonoscopy and endoscopy scheduled on October 21st to determine what's wrong. He'll knock me out first, thank goodness.

The doctor's educated guess is the Prioxcam I take (a NSAID I take daily for my osteoarthritis) is causing problems in my stomach. Be it an ulcer, irritation, or it's turning into hamburger, we don't know yet. I have to admit this is something I've been long concerned about, as the meds I take to keep me mobile and keep the pain at bay can be toxic if taken too often/long.

Al's passed out at the keyboard...again.

After the relative excitement of talking to the medical dudes, I really didn't feel like writing much of anything when I got home, let alone getting my righteous indignation riled up about Detroit sports. I ended up taking a long nap instead. Before all this started napping was something I rarely felt the need to do. Now it's happening all too often.  

Anyway, I'll be back posting at TWFE tomorrow, bitching about something or other. Maybe I'll come up with a few more Rod Marinelli jokes too. See ya then!

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - The aftermath: Fire someone, anyone!

The reviews are in. The bloggers and MSM have spoken. The verdict? Everyone is DISGUSTED by the Detroit Lions.

At Out of Bounds, my compatriot in "The Knee Jerks," Eno, when he's not worrying about my health, is trying to see the lighter side of the Lions' ineptitude.

So why is everyone screaming and carrying on and getting all mad and stuff?

The Lions are high schoolers playing in the National Football League. What do you expect?

Laugh. It's the best alternative to crying.

I may have to adopt Eno's attitude, or I may burst a few blood vessels. (Which many of you believe is going to happen sometime this season) Maybe I could start with more Rod Marinelli jokes?

A priest, a rabbi and Rod Marinelli all walk into a bar. They start pounding the rock.

Rod Marinelli walks into a bar, and sits down. The bartender asks Marinelli, "Why the long face?" Rod replies, "I'm sad because I'm not pounding the rock."

Rod Marinelli goes into a bar, orders twelve beers and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" Rod says, "I'm thirsty from pounding the rock."

It's gotten so bad at Pride of Detroit, after saying the entire coaching staff deserve to be broomed, Sean is enforcing a new set of posting rules.

I am implementing a four-touchdown rule. If the Lions fall behind by 28 or more points, I am no longer going to provide live updates. I have to set some limits as I'll either be laughing at how bad this team is or crying. I hope it's the former, but either way, I don't want to waste my time watching this garbage team if they're getting blown out again.

Sundays for Lions fans have become one long exercise in torture. I can't blame him one iota. We all have our limits, and Sean has reached his.

Fire Millen (I'm still wondering what their new name will be) agrees with me, William Clay Ford has to go to a scorched earth policy when cleaning the up the roster, coaching staff and front office.

Outside of Calvin Johnson, Ernie Sims and Drew Stanton, there isn’t one person on this team, coach or player, that shouldn’t be worried about their job.

Bring in the flamethrower…time to start the burn and rebuild the team….again.

I'd add Jason Hanson and Nick Harris to the list, but other than that, no one's job should be safe. No way, no how. Blow it up, the sooner the better, so we can all move on. Pissed off, upset and angry is no way to go through life...except on Sunday afternoons.

The local MSM sees the writing on the wall, and the calls for Marinelli's job have hit the presses. The only reason anyone can come up with for keeping his job is a poor one. There's no one of head coaching caliber on Marinelli's staff...including Marinelli himself, unfortunately.

The Killer:

The short-term problem for Ford is there isn't anybody on the coaching staff who is qualified to take over for Marinelli. That in itself should mean Marinelli will finish out the season.

Wojo:

This is beyond disgusting, beyond repair, practically beyond comprehension. It's so bad after the Lions' fourth straight blowout loss -- 34-7 to Chicago Sunday -- something more must be done.

You could fire the head coach, Rod Marinelli, who's now 10-26, except there isn't a suitable replacement on staff, or anywhere in the vicinity.

Sharp:

But firing Marinelli now accomplishes nothing.

Who from the current staff could anyone trust on an interim basis? Offensive coordinator Jim Colletto? Are you serious? The Lions still can't score a touchdown in the first quarter.

Defensive coordinator Joe Barry? You're kidding, right? The Lions still can't stop opposing teams from scoring touchdowns in the first quarter ... and the second quarter ... and the third.

Kippy Brown?

Anyone with an active pulse and a whistle?

How sad is the situation when the move that makes the most sense, Marinelli getting the ziggy, can't be made because everyone on his staff is too incompetent to take over?

It's gotten so bad, columnists are even making the same, lame, obvious, unfunny jokes...

Wojo:

It's so sickeningly repetitive, I thought the fans might get confused and start a "Hire Millen!" chant.

The Little Fella:

Hire Millen!

Aw, come on, if you don’t laugh now, you’ll cry.

Dudes, at least compare notes in the press box before...wait. Knowing Albom, he wasn't at the game. So I'm letting Wojo off the hook. And what's with everyone crying? Tears of anger, maybe. I'm too pissed to be sad...

Here's a shocker! The Worst Columnist in America agrees with me!

Rod Marinelli must be fired. Today.

I must be living in Bizarroland. I think I need to lie down.

At the 4 Letter, their NFC North blogger, Kevin Seifert, thinks the Lions may not have a choice in canning their under fire head coach. The pain may become too much for even Ford to endure.

What will the Lions do if things don't get better -- and quickly? Ford Field was half-empty before the fourth quarter began Sunday, and at least some fans aren't going to stick around for 12 more games of this. Team officials want to let coach Rod Marinelli finish out the season, but how much pain are they willing to endure?

Your guess is as good as mine. I'll admit I've reached my pain threshold. Any more pain, and I'll become menatally unstable.

WHAT?!

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - Final thoughts part duex: 12 more games of THIS?

I'll make my final thoughts quick, and to the point. By the way, I'm doing much better now.

Live blog links:

1st quarter: No hope, no hope at all

2nd quarter: Abandon hope all ye who enter here

3rd quarter: Fire Marinelli!

4th quarter: Seriously. Fire Marinelli

Final thoughts - part uno: I recommend a scorched earth policy

1. Today's loss to the Chicago Bears was a complete disaster. The Lions were ill-prepared, out coached and  overwhelmed in every single solitary phase of the game. Rod Marinelli's defense is amazingly bad, his offense ineffectual. Special teams, save for the specialists, Nick Harris and Jason Hanson, are a joke. The Detroit Lions are a BAD team. Though it's hard to believe, my eyes don't lie. They are getting worse. The Lions will be lucky to win 2-3 games, tops. A top 5 draft pick is a given. This franchise is at rock bottom. It's a bottom feeder. The dregs of the league. Bottom of the barrel. And we're only 4 GAMES INTO THE SEASON!

I think we all knew Matt Millen's firing wasn't going to change anything, but it did give us 2 weeks of hope. Hope that was shot all to Hell against the Bears. The destruction the moron wreaked upon the Detroit franchise came to a head today. Those were Millen's coaches, Millen's free agent signings, Millen's draft choices, all of the moves Millen made over the years, on the field.

And it was pure, unadulterated shit. Thanks for nothing, Matt.

2. I think we can safely put Rod Marinelli at the top of the "Coaches on the hot seat" list. If I were making the call, Mr. Pound The Rock would be looking for someone's defensive line to coach first thing Monday morning. It goes without saying Joe Barry would be joining his father-in-law on the unemployment line. They can take the drunk, naked, Wendy's hamburger eating line coach with them.

If you are free around 12:30 Monday afternoon, I suggest you tune into one of the sports talk radio stations here in the D. They broadcast Marinelli's weekly presser live. If the post game inquisition is any indication, as Marinelli was raked over the coals repeatedly, especially over the status of Joe Barry, Monday's presser is going to be even better...if you like extremely uncomfortable and pissy Q&A's.

The media smell blood, as Marinelli has all but admitted he has no answers. They will go in for the kill tomorrow.

3. It's beyond obvious Jon Kitna isn't the answer, and hasn't been for a very long time. His benching for "back spasms" may be the beginning of the end. Kitna hit a high point with the "miracle" concussion recovery, then coming back to win the game, against Minnesota last season. It's been all downhill, and fast, ever since. At this point of his career, 36 and showing it, Kitna should be a backup, not a starter.

As for Dan Orlovsky, he is what he is, a career backup, and I'm being generous.

Detroit has 3 options at QB. Old and busted, young and sucky, and the unknown. I'd try the unknown.

Which means the time to play Drew Stanton is near. As in next week. The Lions HAVE to find out if Stanton has the ability to be a NFL QB, if only as a favor to whomever takes over next season.

4. Roy Williams has already left town mentally. He showed up both his coaches and his QB's with his constant on field histrionics, making him look, to put it bluntly, like an asshole. Making Williams look even worse was the fact he continued to bitch and moan, even though he himself dropped passes, and was as much to blame for the loss as anyone.

It was a total prick move on Williams' part. Personally, I would have benched the asshole diva on general principle.

The Lions HAVE to explore a trade, as Williams will not be wearing the Honolulu Blue and Silver in 2009.

5. Seriously, Marinelli has to go. He's nothing more than a punch line.

Why did Rod Marinelli cross the road? He had to go pound the rock.

When Rod Marinelli sits around the house, he pounds the rock.

Knock knock. Who's there? Rod Marinelli. Rod Marinelli who? Let me in, I have to pound the rock.

How many Detroit coaches does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it in while Marinelli pounds the rock.

Like I said, a punch line.

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - Final thoughts: I recommend a scorched earth policy

I try to give myself a few hours before I post my final thoughts, as the Lions so thoroughly piss me off, my only thoughts would be FIRE (name of coach here) for paragraphs at a time.

Today, it's happened. I've snapped. 3 hours after another Lions loss, one of the most lopsided and pitiful in memory, I'M STILL PISSED! PISSED BEYOND BELIEF!

So..

FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI! FIRE MARINELLI!

Also...

FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW! FIRE THE SON-IN-LAW!

And...

BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA! BENCH PICKNA SHITNA KITNA!

I'd add FIRE COLLETTO!, but someone has to coach the team. He blew as a head coach (ask any Boilermakers fan), but a head coach all the same.

Yes, I am fully aware my current feelings towards the clusterfuck known as the Lions are totally irrational. BUT I DON'T FUCKING CARE!

I ended my live blogging with the following, and I want to say it again, because it totally encapsulates my feelings tonight.

I don't care who, I want someone PUNISHED. With fucking malice.

I'll have more later, after the fog of HATE clears.

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - 4th quarter: Seriously. Fire Marinelli

As we start the 4th, the Bears are pounding the ball on the ground. They have driven well into Lions territory giving the ball to Jones and Forte.

Thew drive runs out of steam (as am I) at the Lions 27. The Bears will try a 45 yard FG. Gould nails it. 34-7 Chicago.

There is no defending the Detroit performance today. There is no excuse for coming out so fucking flat after the bye week. None whatsoever. For that reason alone, Marinelli should get the ziggy.  Let not forget the fact he's supposed to be a defensive savant, and his team has the WORST DEFENSE IN THE NFL!

The Lions are a fucking joke. Marinelli's a fucking joke.  It's all a bad fucking joke.

FIRE MARINELLI! 
FIRE MARINELLI!
FIRE MARINELLI!
FIRE MARINELLI!
FIRE MARINELLI!
FIRE MARINELLI!

The comedy on the field continues, as Dan O and Williams miscommunicate on a pass. The Bears don't have to defend the pass, as the Lions are doing a fine job of it themselves.

The Lions are driving, but it's in fits and starts. They find themselves 4th and 3 at the Bears 30.

Billick: "They gotta go for it here." REALLY? Fucking brilliant deduction! No wonder you're in the booth, and not on the sidelines...

Dan O is back to throw...And hits Furrey a YARD SHORT OF THE 1ST. A yard short of the 1st down on 4th and short. You fucking...ARRRRRGH! How..why...what...HUUURRRR.....................................

I need a drink.

Bears have the ball, are driving again. Under 7 minutes left, as they move into Lions territory.

How can Marinelli keep his gig after a 4th straight blowout? How?
34-21
48-25
31-13
Now today, with 5 minutes left, 34-7.

Every game was over by halftime. The offense is unimaginative, and the defense would be better served with 11 tackling dummies on the field.

Marinelli needs to go. Tomorrow.

The Bears have just rolled over the 400 yard total yard mark. Wasn't this supposed to be the year the Tampa Too really got to strut its stuff? I've seen better defenses on a sandlot. The Lions, after 2+ season with Marinelli at the helm, are the worst team in football. Period.

Lions cross midfield, 3:40 left.

A few notable stats:
Calvin Johnson, 2 catches, 16 yards.
Dan O 11-19-73 yards
Kevin Smith 7 carries, 29 yards.

There's the Lions' youth movement at work! It doesn't get fuglier than that.

4th and 7, 2:45 left. Gosder Cherilus gets beat badly, and Dan O is PLANTED into the Ford Field turf.

I guess I was wrong. It just got fuglier.

FIRE MARINELLI!
FIRE MARINELLI!
FIRE MARINELLI!
FIRE MARINELLI!
FIRE MARINELLI!
FIRE MARINELLI!

I don't care if there is no one capable of running the team. Marinelli has lost this team. He's not coming back next season. So just cut your losses, and can him. Fuck it, give Colletto the interim gig, he's got head coaching experience. Anything would be better than this shit.

The Lions get the ball one final time with 0:22 on the clock. It's a handoff to Smith, he gets nothing.

Game over. 34-7 Bears is your final.

Bench Kitna. Fire Marinelli. Fire Joe Barry. Especially Joe Barry. No other defensive coordinator would still have a job after 4 consecutive debacles.

I don't care who, I want someone PUNISHED. With fucking malice.

Blow it up.

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - 3rd quarter: Fire Marinelli!

I tuned in the Lions radio call for a second. Dan Miller: "Well, there's not much you can say..." No shit, Dapper Dan. Nothing you can say over the airwaves that wouldn't have the FCC on your ass in a heartbeat, anyway. 

FOX quoting Marinelli: "This is not the team I expected to see after the bye." Uh, what team have you been watching over the past month, Rod? I totally expected to see THIS team today!

The Bears will start the 2nd half with the ball.

Ooooo, Casey FitzSimmmons limps off after the kickoff, and curls up on the cart, holding his nuts. My nuts just went into my body cavity.

Of course, there was a flag on the Lions, so they will have to re-kick to Hester. He's down at the 29, the Bears gain about 10 yards on the exchange. Nothing is going right for the Lions.

On 2nd and 10 from the 40...Whistles? Great. Ernie Sims is hurt. Doesn't look serious, but it's just piling on to the Lions' woes.

Amazing. 3rd and 4, Orton hits Olson on a short pass, and he takes off for 26 yards. The Lions' defense is already gassed, being on the field almost the entire game.

FOX shows Orlovsky warming up on the sidelines. Just as I thought, we may see Dan O soon.

It's 3rd and 11 from the Lions11.  Orton's back...Looks for Booker deep...HOLY SHIT! Booker with a GREAT one handed catch with a Lion hanging all over him at the 3! And there's a FLAG! Marvelous play by the Bear WR!

Let's sort this out. Refs say no catch, but there is defensive pass interference. Either way, the Bears have 1st and goal. A red flag? What is Lovie challenging? The catch? Why bother? We'll find out after the commercial...

Hey, the Bears get the call, it's a catch. 1st down at the 2.  The Bears gained 6 yards, as the interference was at the 8.

ARRRGH! Kalvin Pearson drops a sure end zone pick! Shit. This is gonna cost them. 2nd down.

The Bears decide to stop fucking around, and give the ball to Forte right up the middle. TD Bears. With the PAT, 24-0 Chitown.

FIRE FUCKING EVERY...Hell, why bother? It doesn't seem to bother William Clay Ford. Nothing is going to happen. Marinelli will continue to run this team into the ground. I can't see this team winning more than 2-3 games, do you? It's gonna get real ugly in the D Monday.

To pour salt into the GAPING wound, the Lions are called for holding on the kickoff return! Way to go, guys. What a fucking embarrassment.

And here comes Dan O to the rescue! Lions ball at the 7. A handoff to Rudi gets zip. FOX infoms us that the team thinks Kitna is still da man!  Whatever.

Dan O is back...Just avoids a sack in the end zone...dumps it off to Felton...Who piledrives into a Bear tackler, getting an extra 5 yards, nice pla...BALL! It's a fumble! FUCK! Bears recover!

Red flag from the lame duck! It's a challenge by the Lions. I think this one they are goign to lose, but at 24-0, why the Hell not try. Nuttin' else to lose at this point.  Hey, Felton was down by contact, they keep the ball. WHEEEE! This is game changer! Right? Right? Hell, who am I kidding?

3rd and 3. Dan O is back...fires the ball towards Williams...TIP DRILL! PICK!  Tillman strolls into the end zone, and you'd swear the game was at Soldier Field by the roar of the crowd.

31-0 Bears.What else is there to say? The Lions are a God awful team. 

If I don't start laughing about this farce, I'll be crying.

The FOX guys are discussing the Lions. Baldinger: "This is a poorly coached team." 

FUCKING WORD, BALDY! Marinelli is in so deep, so over his head...Hell, I'm out of metaphors.

FOX now shows a clip of Williams screaming, waving his helmet around! He's showing up the coaches. Not that I blame him, but he's playing like utter shit too. Plenty of blame to go around, Roy.

Lions punt, Hester has the balll....FUMBLE! Lions recover at the Bears 22. Too little, too late.

A dump off to Felton gets a 1st down, Lions well within the red zone. 1st and 10 at the 11. Again, much too little, way too late. But we'll still hear Marinelli say some bullshit about not giving up tomorrow.

It's a handoff to Smith...nothing left, cuts right....finds a hole...TD Lions. woo.

31-7, Bears still up big. We hear "Gridiron Heroes" in the background, and it's kinda sad when no one is signing along. 

Lions do a nice job on the kickoff, stopping Hester short of the 20. Big fucking deal. FIRE KWAN!

The Bears will want to run clock, as there is still a ton of time left in the game, just over 6 minutes left in the 3rd.

It's Kevin Jones right, cuts back...has Orton leading him...1st down! Nice run by Jones. Good on ya. He had his problems with the Lions, but he left body parts all over over Ford Field. Can't say he was cut for a lack of effort.

3rd and long...Orton is back to throw...He takes off, as the outside is wide open, and he lumbers for the 1st down. Typical lack of fundamentals, as the contain was nowhere to be found.

Bears continue to grind it out, now 3rd and 6 from the 50. The long ball falls incomplete, but the Bears will be able to pin the Lions deep. They also ran over 4 minutes off the clock. I don't think they are too worried about Dan O leading a comeback.

Lions will take over at the 19. Say what you will about the previous head coaches during the Millen era, at least they weren't getting blown out in the 1st quarter. Marinelli is the worst of the 3. It's true, Moronwheg and Mooch, bad as they were, weren't near as fucking awful as Mr. Pound The Rock.

Back to the game. Lions at their 28. Dan O is back...looks for Roy...almost a pick! This offense under Dan O is still fugly.

Another ugly incompletion, and the Lions wull punt. Bears take over at their 31.

We get a long shot of the stands, and see fans leaving in droves. Only Bears fans are left. This was the last sellout of the season, save for Turkey Day, folks.

The Bears are giving Kevin Jones the satisfaction of beating the Lions, as he is still in the backfield. He takes a pitch...finds a hole...he's down at the 47! Nice run.

That's the end of 3. 31-7 Bears. 15 minutes to go. It can't end soon enough...

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - 2nd quarter: Abandon hope all ye who enter here

We start the 2nd quarter with Orton killing the Lions with essentially paper cuts, getting 6 on a short pass. He's nickel and diming the Bears down the field. But a Jones run loses 4, leaving 3rd and 8.

Orton misfires on 3rd, the Lions gets a stop. Cool. Another small victory.

But the Lions are losing the battle of field position, as they will start at their 10 after the punt.

It's Rudi left on 1st down, and there's a small hole! His down at the 25, the Lions get their first 1st down of the game. Another very small victory.

A pass to Roy gets 10! The Lions are on a mini-roll. 1st and 10 at the 35.

Kitna's back to pass...Blindsided! BALL! BEARS! TAKE! OVER! FUUUUUUUCK! Backus was badly beaten on a speed rush. Shit, the Lions offense is offensive.

The Bears start at the Detroit 24. 2 runs leaves 3rd and 1. Orton's back to pass, Orton wants to throw a fade of some sort, the WR is well covered, the play misses badly.

WHAT? The Bears are going for it on 4th and 1? HUH? Lovie Smith wants blood! It's Forte up the gut...STUFFED AT THE LINE! The Lions D makes a play! Well, what do you know? Miracles happen, I guess. Lions take over on downs!

Lions take over at their 15. Can the Lions do anything on offense? I doubt it.

A pass and run leave a 3rd and 4. Kitna with the short drop...Hits Calvin Johnson on a quick slant...Dropped. Hold on to the ball! Fuck me. It would have been a 1st down. Jesus, even Johnson is stinking up the joint.

Lions will punt, Hester dances to 50...And Ramzee Robinson throws Hester down 5 yards out of bounds! YOU DUMB FUCK! And there's the flag, 15 yard personal foul. This is the dumbest fucking team on the planet.

Bears will start on the Lions' 37, thanks to Robinson's brain cramp.

On 2nd and long, Lions BLITZ! Orton quickly finds a wide open reciever at the sticks, 1st down. So much for using the blitz to pressure the QB.

A short run and incompletion leave the Bears with another 3rd and long at the 24.

SCREEN! Dewayne White blows it up! Wait...FLAG! Lions offsides. Where's the God damn discipline Rod? HUH? HUH?

And of course, the Bears convert the 3rd down on a pass to Hester. Fucking Lions shooting themselves in the foot...again. FIRE SOMEONE!

On 2nd and 8 from the 9, Orton's back to throw...It's Forte at the 2...STRRRETCHES...TD! Fuck me, fuck you, fuck the Bears, and FUCK THE LIONS.

There's the red flag! Marinelli is going to challenge the call. Forte's knee might have been down when reaching for the goal line. Even if the Lions get the call, it's still going to be 1st and goal for the Bears. It's just delaying the inevitable.

And, as usual, the Lions don't get the call, play stands. Bears' TD. I have to agree, it was too close to change the call on the field.

10-0 Windy City. The crowd is heavy with Chicago fans, if you go by the LOUD cheering. I'm not at all surprised. Hey, more power to 'em. At least they have a decent team to follow.

Lions start at their 24 after another shitty return. FIRE KWAN!

What? Roy Williams makes a play! He takes a 5 yard pass, breaks a tackle, gets the 1st down! It's Roy again on a cross! He's over the 50! 1st down! As expected, the Lions have given up on the run.

Kitna to Megatron gets 7! They are moving the ball! Kitna's back to throw...He's sacked on a SCREEN? Jesus fucking Christ! How do you do that? Sacked on a screen?

The drive fizzles out, as Kitna throws behind Roy on 3rd and long. Lions will punt...AGAIN. ARRRRGH.

Touchback. Even Harris is getting into the sucking act.

Orton is back...Hester is WIDE OPEN on the sideline, brought down at the Detroit 48. Kyle Orton is chewing up the Lions' D. Kyle Orton?

A holding call has the Bears 1st and 20 at the Bears' 42. Another flag? This game is getting damn sloppy. Off-fucking-sides. SHIT!!! I'm getting mega-pissed.

Orton is back...lots of time...Davis is open down the sideline...down at the 19! Pretty pass by Orton, as he dropped it in nicely. It helps when the WR has 5 yards on the Lions corner.

A short pass has the Bears deep in Lions territory, and that is the 2 minute warning. THANK GOD! Only 32 minutes left in the game...

2nd and 3 from the 16. Orton drops back...no pressure...There's Hester at the goal line...Easy TD. Bodden gave him a 3 yard cushion. WHY? WHY? WHY? He's not going to run by you in the RED ZONE!

17-0 Bears. On the bright side, it isn't 21-0, right? RIGHT? Fuck.

Lions will start at their 22 with 1:50 left. A short pass and run, 1st down, but the clock is running. 1:15 left.

Kitna is back...bounces off of Furrey's hands...OOOOOH...Near pick. FLAG! Motion, Lions. Can Marinelli be fired at halftime? Please?

It's 1st and 15..Roy on a slant...DROPPED! JESUS! DIE LIONS, DIE!

Kitna is back to throw...Roy cuts in...Kitna throws deep. WHAT THE FUCK? It's like they are playing on 2 different offenses. BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Kitna dumps the ball off to Smith on 3rd and 15. Yeah, that's opening up the fucking offense. Bears will get the ball back with 0:33 left.

They will let the clock run out, happy with a 17-0 lead. Hell, I would too.

The BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS rain down from the stands throughout Ford Field, for good reason.

The Bears have out gained the Lions 251 to 67. The motherfucking Bears!

This really says it all...

Orton 16-20-217-2 TD's-145.2 QB rating
Kitna 8-16-74-0-63.0 QB rating

Hell, at this point I'd give Orlovsky a shot in the 3rd quarter. Kitna and his receivers are playing 2 different game plans.

Another joke of a 1st half for the Lions. Seriously, fire Marinelli after this game. Fire his pounding the rock ass! Blow it all the fuck up. Millen was jonly a start.

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - 1st quarter: No hope, no hope at all

We join Matt Vassavagina, and the Brians, Billick and Baldinger, live from fabulous Ford Field, and Big Al live from his not as fabulous living room!

Are you ready? Ready for what, you ask?  For another 3 hours of pain, suffering and really bad jokes? Then lets watch some NFL football...

First things first.


FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN!

With that out of the way, the Lions will be receiving the kick...

The Lions will start at the 23! Hey, anytime the Lions can cross the 20 on a return, I'm happy. Sad, isn't it?

Surprsie! Kevin Smith is starting, and gets the ball. Of course, he's stuffed foir no gain. A pass to Roy Williams isn't even close, leaving a 3rd and 10. Might as well be 3rd and a 100, as bad as the Lions are on 3rd down.

Kitna is back...SACK! He never has a chance. Kitna was snowed under. Punt.

Wonderful. Hester is back...He breaks a couple of tackles...He's Off to the races, and brought down deep in Lions territory! Shit.

FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN! FIRE KWAN!

There's a flag, it's on the Bears, we'll do it over. Lions dodge a HUGE fucking bullet. 2nd tim is the charm, as Hester is stopped after a short return, Bears start just over their 45. Still, the Lions special teams show they are not so special. Christ, how hard is it to defend a fucking punt?

A short pass and Matt Forte run, and it's a 1st down. Forte is going to have a very nice day.

On 2nd down, it's a dump off to Forte...And a Lion just bounces off of him, allowing Forte to get close to the sticks. It should have been a loss. "Should have been" being the Lions' rallying cry.

It's Forte on 3rd and 1...He's hit short of the 1st...And still gets the 1st down . GOD DAMMIT! Fucking defense couldn't stop a one legged man with one arm tied behind his back from converting a 3rd down.

As the Lions approach the Detroit 20, we have a Kevin Jones appearance. He gets a 1st down on a hard run, joining in on the fun. After all that kid has been through, injuries and playing for the worst franchise in sports, I'm rooting for him.

It's 2nd and 15 from the Lions 20, and  Kyle Orton is back to pass...SACK at the 30! Jared Devries busted thru! Wonder of wonders, the Lions had a pass rush. I'm guessing it's the exception, rather than the rule, but I'll take it.

A Forte run gets the sack yardage back on 3rd down, setting up a 37 yard  FG attempt by Gault. Good.

3-0 Bears, and the Lions will be playing from behind for the 4th consecutive game. Fuckers.

What the HELL? Corry Smith takes the kick off, and as he going down at the 30...pitches it to Brandon Middleton?  Middleton is down after getting another 5 yards or so. Jesus Christ, that was God damn stoopid! Smith tossed him the ball in the middle of a ton of traffic. Sheer stupidity.

Kitna will throw on 1st down, throws towards the sidelines...and there's no one there. Blown assignment, someone went deep as Kitna threw short. Typical Lions.

Smith is blown up on 2nd down, 3rd and long. Kitna's back, under pressure, checks down to Smith, who's stopped short of the sticks. Wow, Jim Colletto has sure opened up the offense, huh?

Kitna and the offense walk off the field to a rousing and deserved chorus of BOOOOOOS!

Hester calls a fair catch on the Nick Harris punt inside the 10 .Whoops!

Orton's back to pass, looks deep...GREG OLSEN IS WIDE FUCKING OPEN DOWN THE MIDDLE! He's brought down at the Lions 41, 52 yard fucking gain! FUCKFUCKFUCK! Jesus, fire the defensive coordinator! NOW! Oh yeah, he's Marinelli's son-in-law. AWWWKWARD.

But after 2 Forte runs and an incompletion, the Bears have to punt. The Lions' D makes a stand. 3 plays too late, but a stand all the same.

The Lions will start at the 20, as the Bears just miss downing the ball at the 1. Small victory foer the Lions.

With 3 minutes left in the 1st, the Lions have -5 yards so far. FIRE COLLETTO!

Kitna's back to throw...Ball is batted high in the air! Falls incomplete. Christ, even the incompletions are scaring the shit out of me...

After a Bears offsides, we have our first Rudi Johnson run. Gets a couple. 3rd and short.

Kitna's back to throw...Holds it...Happy feet...Rolls right...Throws deep...and it's a good 5 yards short of Williams, who swats at the bouncing ball in frustration. I would too, this offense is FUGLY. FUGLY. FUGLY.

After the punt, Bears start at their 28. Get a quick 10 and a 1st down on a crossing pattern. The Bears are only up 3-0, but they are dominating the action so far. 

With under a minute left, a Jones run leaves the Bears 3rd and 4 at their 45. Orton with the 3 step drop, hits Hester on a quick slant, 1 st down.  This is a motherfucking joke. The Lions can't even stop the utterly below average Kyle Orton.

That's the 1st quarter. 3-0 Bears.

I HATE THE DETROIT LIONS!

FIRE MARINELL!

OK, I feel better. 

On the 2nd...

Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions - Pregame thoughts

Game Information

The Windy City @ The Motor City

Kickoff: 1 p.m. EDT

Stadium: Ford Field

Television: WJBK-TV FOX Ch.2

Play-By-Play: Matt Vasgersian

Color: Brian Baldinger & Brian Billick

Sideline: Laura Okmin

Lions Radio Network: 97.1 FM The Ticket (WXYT-FM)

Play-By-Play: Dan Miller

Color: Jim Brandstatter

Sidelines:Tony Ortiz

2008 Records: Lions, 0-3; Bears, 2-2

The 4 things I'm watching, dammit!

(Why only 4? Because the more I wrote about the Lions, the more pissed off I get! I need to save my fury for the live blog.)

1. 21-0!

Hey, there was a little improvement 2 weeks ago, as the Lions only went down 21-3 against the Niners. Baby steps, folks. Baby steps. The Bears may not have a great offense (19th overall compared to the Lions 26th), but they can grind out yardage and clock with Matt Forte. Who needs to pass the ball, when the Lions' front 7 couldn't stop (place any no-name RB who piles up stats against the Lions here).

2. Will Jim Colletto channel his inner Mike Martz?

Colletto told the media this week he would open up the offense, hoping to not spot the Bears 3 TD's. Good in theory, but it also means the turnover machine known as Jon Pickna Shitna Kitna will have that many more opportunities to throw a pick. Be careful what you wish for...

3. Rudi! Rudi! Rudi!

So much for my picking Kevin Smith as a fantasy sleeper. Rudi Johnson was named the starting RB by Rod Marinelli this week, part of his not-so-well thought out plan to play veterans over youth. (aka attempting to save his job). It's all in vain, as there is no way in Hell Marinelli remains Lions head coach after this season. Till he gets the ziggy though, we'll have to put up with old and busted Lions like Johnson, Kitna and Paris Lenon taking PT away from young players.

4. BLITZ!

Supposedly the Lions, desperate to get any sort of pressure on the QB, will deviate from Marinelli's pride and joy, the Tampa Too defense, and blitz much, much, much more than normal. I'll believe it when I see it. Will blitzing really make any difference when your LB's are such immortals like Lenon and Alex Smith? No.

See ya in the live blog!

Lions fans are so desperate, they believe incompetence equals a curse

The Lions have been not-so-loveable losers for 50 years, which means fans are going to look for any damn excuse they can find which could explain such a miserable half century.

Thus, the "Curse of Bobby Layne."

This coming week being the 50 year anniversary of the Bobby Layne trade, the "curse" has received an inordinate amount of attention recently. There's a website associated with Layne's mystical curse, the Freep ran a feature article on the heavy partying Texan mentioning the so-called hex, and even the News' Bob Wojnowski brought Layne's supposed muttering to light in a column.

There's only 2 pink elephants on the field, coach! 

I'm ready to go in!

We all know the story. When the best QB in Detroit history was traded to the Steelers in October 1958, for really no other reason than the team was tired of dealing with him, Layne supposedly said, though there's absolutely no record of it, the Lions wouldn't win "for 50 years."

What a load of BULLSHIT.

Layne was a great QB, but an even better drinker. The man is legend in Detroit drinking circles. He started boozing the minute the game ended, and didn't stop till the next Sunday afternoon kickoff. Meaning he was likely 10 sheets to the wind when he learned the Lions traded him to the then armpit of the NFL, Pittsburgh. So I refuse to believe Layne said the Lions would never win for 50 years. Now if legend had Layne slurring "Where's my gin?" That I could believe. 

I see 3 Hopalong Cassadys...I'll throw it to the one in the middle!

See, Layne never cursed the Lions. He was thirsty and boozing. "Lions will never win!" "Where's my gin." Honest mistake. But it's no curse.

Incompetence, delusion, idiocy and stupidity have run rampant through the Lions' franchise over the years. It doesn't mean the team was cursed, but it does tells you the Lions have been run by a series of sycophants, yes men and mental midgets, all hired by an inbred blue blood living off of grandpa's money, William Clay Ford.

Ford being a do-nothing rich SOB does not equate into the Lions being cursed. It's also letting the God damn do-nothing rich SOB off the hook for so many years of fan pain and suffering, and blaming Bobby Layne for something he never said.

Screw the curse. Just leave Layne, who did nothing but good things in Detroit (won 3 championships and kept bar owners in new Cadillacs) out of it.

It's not the "Curse of Bobby Layne." Never was, never will be. Actually, it's the "Incompetence of Wiliam Clay Ford." Blame Henry Ford's Richie Rich of a grandson all you want. Hell, even call it the "Curse of William Clay Ford" if it helps.

But don't blame the mythical mutterings of a hall of fame QB for 50 years of pure shit.

10 things you know I know I know, you know?

10. I'm not going to get overtly political here, but I have only one thing to say about John McCain's campaign pulling out of Michigan. If this now means we no longer have to suffer through an endless amount hateful, pushing the absolute borders of the truth, pound you over the head with the sledgehammer of spin, all out negative advertising from BOTH parties, then THANK FUCKING GOD! I've had more than my fill of political advertising, of any kind, thank you very much.

Michigan being considered a "battleground" state (till yesterday afternoon, anyway) meant both parties were pummeling we Michiganders about the head and face with with political ad after political ad during every local break on TV and radio. (you ex-pats should consider yourselves lucky!) Personally, I find these ads insulting. If you make your decision on which candidate to vote for based on TV ads, you're a moron. A fucking moron.

No matter if you are a Democrat, Republican or independent, please do a little research before you vote. I honestly think people invest more time into which new TV series they are going to watch, than whom is going to get their vote. It's shameful more people don't care about the political process, unpleasant as it may sometimes be.

That's as political as I'll allow myself to get... Let's talk sports.

9. You know the MSM is scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas when you read the "bad team in one sport should talk to the good team's GM in another sport" piece. The Freep has gone over the top with this tripe.

First, Jamie Samuelson wrote the Lions need to hire Red Wings' GM Ken Holland. (though I do agree with his assessment that Holland is the best GM working in sports) Then Michael Rosenberg (who should really know better, as he's the best columnist in town) penned a piece saying the Lions should hire Pistons' GM Joe Dumars as the porn 'stached goon's replacement as Lions' president.

What? No love for Dave Dombrowski? Nah, I'm sure the Pizza Man has him on double secret probation after this fiasco of a season.

With the DD shout out out of the way, I have one comment for the both of them...

Get. A. Fucking. Grip.

Personally, I don't want the poisonous Lions, who destroy careers, not make them, anywhere near two of the best run franchises, in not only Detroit, but in all of sports. And who's to say their managerial skills would transfer over to another sport, anyway? We've actually had an example here in the D. Bo Schembechler's tenure as Tigers' president could best be described as an EPIC FAIL. Sure, he was handicapped by the insane ownership of Tom Monaghan, but Bo didn't distinguish himself, either. His years are best remembered only for the firing of God Ernie Harwell.

Yes, I know it wasn't Bo's decision, and he took the heat for both WJR and the Tigers. But no matter who made the decision, it was MASSIVELY bungled by everyone involved.

I'm a little off track, but the point is made. Should the Lions ask the Red Wings and Pistons for advice? Sure, it couldn't hurt. But attempting to hire a non football guy to run the team makes as much sense as a TV broadcaster taking over...

8. Speaking of Rosenberg, during today's interview with The Big Lead, he nails what is so good about living in the metro Detroit area.

Yet many of the people who live in southeast Michigan absolutely love the area. There is a ton of stuff to do, especially in the summer, and the cost of living is reasonable. There are two things you need to understand about Detroit. One is that it’s not a great place to visit, but it’s a great place to live. Once you know the landscape – once you know which bars to hit, where to catch a concert, where to sit outside and have a good meal – you’ll have a great time. The other thing you need to understand is that it is not cool to live here, so anybody who is preoccupied with being cool stays the hell away, leaving a vibrant, exciting part of the country for the rest of us. There are very few phonies in Detroit.

Word.

I love it when Rosenberg, talking about the time involved in writing his book about Bo and Woody, takes a back handed slap at local writers who spend more time spewing hot air on the radio, than writing a decent column.

But the difference is that I didn’t have to be in a radio studio for four hours every day when I should have been in the Tigers’ clubhouse or at Pistons practice.

Fucking word. He doesn't name names, but I will. The Little Fella, Wojo, Sharp, Foster, Caputo and The Worst Columnist in America.

As usual when TBL talks to MSM'ers, the interview is an excellent read.

7. I have to mention another columnist. Good friend of TWFE, and someone I consider a friend, though we've never met face to face (he's an internet buddy!), Mack Avenue Tigers' Kurt Mensching, was named top sports columnist (for his newspaper class as determined by circulation) by the Michigan Press Association. Here's the scoop from his newspaper, The Mining Journal:

The Mining Journal won three awards in the 2008 Michigan Press Association Better Newspaper Contest, including a first place for sports columns.

Mining Journal sports writer Kurt Mensching won the top award in the category for three columns on topics as diverse as the beginning of baseball season, Northern Michigan University football and high school sportsmanship at the Superior Dome.

Judges said Mensching's writing was "funny" and "stood out as very clean."

Unlike my writing, which is highly snarky and stands out as fucking filthy.

Seriously, job well done, sir. The Detroit blogosphere is as proud as punch!

But now that you're done winning awards and honors and stuff, get back to work on MAT, stat!

6. There are few sure things in life. Death, taxes, every Wobb Parker column will be awful, and the Wisconsin Badgers football team being total and utter frauds.

Last Saturday, I was thisGoddamnclose to writing off the Wolverines' season during what was possibly the worst half of football ever played on this, or any, planet.

To paraphrase The Comic Book Guy: "That was, without a doubt, the worst. Half. EVER. Rest assured, I was on the internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world."

But the Badgers, as is their wont, couldn't put an imploding Wolverine team away in the 1st half. Hell, Wisky should have been up 35-0, instead of only 19-0, at the half.

We all know what happened next. Michigan finds a rudimentary offense, the defense became scary good, and the Badgers ended up losing another heartbreaker to the not-so-mighty Wolverines.

Wisconsin was, is, and always will be, pretenders. Why should you think any different when they couldn't beat what still could be the worst Michigan team, in not only years, but in decades?

5. As for Sparty, they will go as far as Heisman candidate Javon Ringer takes them, maybe even the Rose Bowl. Really? Really! There's no juggernauts in the Big 10, so why not Sparty in Pasadena?

But if my math is correct, Ringer is on track for approximately 875 carries this season, so I expect body parts to be falling off of him by late October. That best not happen, as Ringer can win games. The only thing Spartans QB Brian Hoyer can do is lose them.

4. I have the White Sox-Devil Rays playoff game on at the moment. I sooooo thought it would be the Tigers representing the Central instead. Now that I've once again had the taste of October baseball, I need more. Christ, this season blew.

The Tigers won 88 games in 2007, which we all thought, well, sucked. But 88 wins would have won the division this year, so it's all relative. But there's no defending what happened this season. Which is why Jim Leyland better can his "I want an extension" bullshit, ASAP. He was as awful as his team in 2008. The Marlboro Man is on double secret probation, too.

3. What's the only thing worse than watching teams other than the Tigers in the MLB playoffs? Having to endure the ENDLESS promos for "FrankTV" during the MLB playoffs. For some stupid reason, TBS believes running a "FrankTV" promo every fucking half inning is going to make us want to watch.

Memo to TBS: At this point, after having Frank Caliendo shoved down my throat for two consecutive Octobers, I'd rather stab forks in my eyes than watch "FrankTV." Hey, it may be the funniest show on TV, but I don't care. Force feeding me more promos than McCain/Obama ads I see on a daily basis combined is only doing one thing. IT'S PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF! ENOUGH! STOP! NO MORE!

Please, no more...no more...I give up. I'll do anything. Just stop with the "FrankTV" ads.

2. There is one redeeming quality to TBS's broadcasts, though. Curtis Granderson. He's a natural broadcaster. Grandy's going to have the networks throwing big money contracts at him when his career is over. I hope that won't be for another 10-12 years or so...

As bad as it looks for the Tigers today, not many teams have as young and talented of a core to build around as Granderson, Miguel Cabrera and Justin Verlander. Which is why Dombrowski is getting a mulligan for this past season. But he's getting only one.

1. At the top of the Freep's online sports page is the following headline:

"Lions' Ramirez will get his first offensive start Sunday"

YESYESYESYES! Why the excitement, you ask? I can finally use "It's just Manny being Manny" during my live blog this Sunday. I can see it now...

The ref flips on his mic, and says, "Holding, number 63!" Then I get to write "Holding? Hell, it's just Manny being Manny!" Good times, good times.

Hey, what of it? I need stuff like this to get through what's going to be another Lions loss.

Chicago Bears at Detroit Lions is officially a sell out. Time to sharpen my poisonous wit...

This is not a drill. I repeat, this is NOT A DRILL! My Detroit Lions live blog this Sunday is a GO!  G.O.E. GO!

Thanks to a 1 day extension and the likely invasion of thousands of Chicago Bears fans, there will be no local blackout on Sunday. Meaning I'll be at my keyboard, full of piss and vinegar, ready to chronicle another Lions loss. 

I'm sure you can't wait to see another of my Sunday afternoon mental meltdowns. You'll see me swear at the Lions like a pissed off at the world John McCain! See me lose my shit as Jon Pickna Shitna Kitna throws another pick! See me bitch at Jim Colletto's unimaginative play calling. See me moan as Rod Marinelli butchers the clock! See a paragraph filled with nothing but "FIRE KWAN!" over and over and over! See all the self loathing that comes with being a life-long Lions fan!

So be here Sunday, at 1PM sharp, for the drama in 4 parts that is a TWFE live blog!

Jim Leyland: I want an extension, you SOB's! Detroit Tigers: Die in a fire!

OK, I admit it isn't quite as contentious as my headline, but there is definitely some tension between the Tigers and their manager.

Jim Leyland has gone public, letting everyone within earshot know that he deserves a contract extension, while conveniently forgetting he turned down extra years not all that long ago. The Tigers think differently, and refuse to give the Marlboro Man anything more. In their eyes, Leyland's going to have to earn a new deal.

Gimme my $2 extension!

Why is Leyland so adamant in demanding a contract extension? Why has he gone to media with his complaints?

As you might have guessed, I have his 10 reasons...

10. Smokes ain't cheap, you know. Criminal, that's what it is. Should be a government investigation!

9. That moron who used to work next door, Matt Millen, was able to get an extension, and he never won a God damn thing! I take a team to the the World Series, and get...a handshake and a pat on the back. It ain't right.

8. Have you priced a carton of Marlboro Reds lately? I had to take out a payday loan to get my Reds! Seriously, it's criminal.

7. You try dealing with Pudge Rodriguez for an entire season! He's the prima donna's prima donna. The extension should be considered retroactive hazard pay.

6. Did you see the so-called "bullpen" Dombrowski gave me?! I've seen better bullpens in the California Penal League! Christ, I deserve some extra coin for pain and suffering!

5. With my current deal, when you factor in my nicotine habit, I'm actually losing money. Criminal, I tell ya.

4. Remember the contract extension you offered me after last year, and I...I..OK, I admit it, I turned it down. Well, I changed my mind. It's a girls and a managers right to change their minds. So what's 12 months between friends?

3. Think the Wall St. meltdown is a mess? Wait till you see my lame duck ass meltdown mid season! But if I extorted...uh...had an extension, maybe, just maybe, it won't happen.

2. I'm being bent over by big tobacco! I needs my fix! Give me some money!

1. I have to listen to Brandon Inge piss and moan every God damn day for 6 straight months. "I'm not a catcher! I wanna play 3rd!" If that's not worth an extra few million, nothing is. Plus smokes are damn expensive...

The Knee Jerks: WTF with Eno and Al - Episode 1, Lions, Tigers and zombies, oh my!

Welcome to the first meeting of the Detroit sports blogging minds known as "The Knee Jerks." It's a weekly chat I have with Greg Eno, the man behind the blogging empire that includes Out of Bounds, Where Have You Gone, Johnny Grubb?, and Spoiled Sports.

During today's episode of TKJWTFWEAA, we discuss the ugly aftermath of the Tigers' season, the ongoing desperation with the Lions, a little Red Wings and Pistons, and zombies who fire head coaches with rambling, insane, rheummy-eyed soliloquies.

Let's jerk away...Uh, that didn't come out right. Just read it, OK?!

Eno: So, Big Al....lots to talk about in our first edition of The Knee Jerks, eh?

Big Al: For a couple of Detroit teams flailing about, the Tigers and Lions, they are making more than their fair share of news.

Eno: Let's start with Tigers manager Jim Leyland and his very public discontent with his contract status.....
I wrote on Johnny Grubb that I don't know where it says that a team has to keep a manager or a coach signed beyond the year that's current. What do you think of this "lame duck" stuff that everyone always wants to talk about?

Big Al: For a manager who has been around the block several times, and still appears to have the team's attention, claiming to be a "lame duck" is a bit much. The only thing this may affect is finding a pitching coach.

Eno: True that. But here's your "vote of confidence", which Mitch Albom says is lacking here: YOU STILL HAVE A JOB!! And a contract, through 2009. There's your confidence. I don't know why you need more than that.

(pause)

Big Al: I'm sorry, I was having a moment of silence for Chuck Hernandez... To continue, it's also worth noting the Marlboro Man turned down a longer-term deal a year ago. I thought he wanted to go year by year? Maybe the price of smokes has cut into his budget for 2010.

Eno: Well, I KNOW that you're old enough to remember Walter Alston....and Walt signed 23 straight one-year contracts to manage the Dodgers. Didn't seem to bother him, or the team.

Big Al: Not one bit. It's not as if the Tigers are an overly young team either. Most of the current roster has seen all this posturing before. If Leyland's contract status bothers the team that much, then they weren't all that mentally stable to begin with.

Eno: So what do you make of Leyland going public like this? Do you think it'll fracture his relationship with (GM) Dave Dombrowski, and/or (owner) Mike Ilitch?

Big Al: For it to have blown up into the mini-controversy it's become, there had to have been tension brewing for quite some time. I'd bet most of the pressure is coming from the Pizza Man, as Dombrowski and Leyland have been tight for years. If I dropped $138 million, I'd be wanting a little accountability too.

Eno: Yeah, that's a lot of dough to finish in last place. If they ever gave out an award called The SO NOT Executive of the Year, DD would win, hands down. What do you think Frick and Frack's future are with the Tigers under Mr. I ?

Big Al: I honestly think they are BOTH in hot water. I'll say this: Leyland didn't do a thing to EARN that extension, and the only move Dombrowski made that paid off was Miggy Cabrera. Ilitch is giving them a mulligan, and making '09 their do or die season. Another year like this, and Frick and Frack are applying for unemployment.

Eno: Agreed. Granted, there were things out of their control, but that works the other way, too. Lots of execs and managers who win awards get lucky, too. So it evens out -- if you last long enough. Before we leave this, were you surprised that Mr. Hernandez got the ziggy?

Big Al: Not at all. The struggles of Justin Verlander pretty much guaranteed Hernandez was toast. Someone was going to have to pay...uh, rather, be the scapegoat. The pitching coach is always first in that line. Ilitch wanted blood, and got it in Hernandez. It may have been time for some of the (pitching) staff to hear a new voice, anyway.

Eno: Isn't it funny how smart you can be when people do their jobs, and how dumb you become when they don't? I wasn't surprised, either, but nobody gave Chuck any props for the emergence of Armando Galarraga. Someone like Verlander -- he just needs to mature. Wasn't Leo Mazzone a genius when he had Glavine, Smoltz, Maddux, et al? And he wasn’t so smart in Baltimore, was he?

Big Al: Good point. Verlander said as much when asked about Hernandez getting the ziggy.

Eno: If you could describe the Tigers' season in ONE word, and you couldn't use "disappointing", what would it be? And Al, make it a word that I can use in front of my daughter.

Big Al: &*%>*#$@&;;

Eno: Funny.

Big Al: Seriously? Overhyped. We all bought into the media hype, so to speak. Hell, I thought the playoffs, to mix metaphors, were a slam dunk. Shows what I, you, and the rest of the world knows.

Eno: Hey, I bought into it, too. But if you remember, there were the naysayers out there who were worried about the pitching. I gotta take those folks to the casino with me next time!

Big Al: No kidding. And you didn't give your one word description. I'm waiting...

Eno: Ahhh....OK....Disjointed.

Eno: I never dreamed they'd be this out of whack. I mean, finish behind the freaking Royals??? Christ almighty!

Big Al: There's no defending finishing behind the Royals. Which leads me to this: to fix what has become literally a mess of a team, can the Tigers correct themselves in only one off-season?

Eno: Wow....
Well, they are leaking -- gushing, really, in two areas: pitching (bullpen, especially) and defense. Baseball defense is kind of like football defense; the Tigers don't have very many "playmakers" -- guys who rob other guys of hits.....it's not just how many errors you make, but how many scores you deny by making plays. And I don't know if you can just go out and get guys like that. As for the bullpen, it'll make you gag how many games they blew. You gotta go outside the organization there


Big Al: With the Pizza Man likely to at least cap salary, it's going to be hard to find that bullpen fix. It'd be nice to just throw money at K-Rod (Francisco Rodriguez), but I don't think it's in the cards. The Tigers are going to have to find a cheaper set-up guy who can step up to closing. As for defense, I hear that Brandon Inge is the GREATEST DEFENDER EVER! I'm still not sure I want a .200 hitting 3rd sacker, even if he's the next coming of Brooks Robinson in the field. And who in the Hell is going to play short? I don't know, and I don't think the Tigers do either.

Eno: Or, hey, how about catcher? And when will the Tigers find a position that Carlos Guillen CAN play?

Big Al: If only Gary Sheffield would retire, it would open the Tigers to all kinds of shuffling, and give Guillen a permanent home. Catcher? I thought Inge was the catcher of the future only a couple of months ago? So much for that plan, and most anything else Leyland "proclaimed" as set in stone this past season.

Eno: Leyland had no clue most of the year. The shuffling was embarrassing. But watch what you say about my guy Sheff. Plus, why would you shut it down sitting on 499 HR, Al?

Big Al: I know, it's just wishful thinking. I was totally a Sheff guy, but this past season really soured me on him. I'm not sure how much he has left. With 500 HRs and $14 million on the line, the Tigers have no choice but to find out.

Eno: OK, enough about that. What else is on your mind?

Big Al: What grinds my gears? Ticks me off? Well, there's the three-ring circus going on in Allen Park. We finally got our pound of flesh, Matt Millen, or as I like to call him, the porn 'stached goon. Millen is no longer running the team. But now what? The Lions are still the Lions.

Eno: Well, you know what the Eno Plan says. And so far, the Lions are following it. But they have a golden opportunity here. From what I know and have heard, there are a LOT of GOOD football people out there chomping at the bit for this job.

Big Al: Only the Lions would can a GM after three games, with no real plan as to what to do next. Your plan would be a good one to follow; even Drew Sharp thought so. But who wouldn't want to work for William Clay Ford? He pays well, has the patience of Job and will give you enough rope to hang yourself three times over. It's just a matter if Ford finds the RIGHT man for the job. His track record screams "NO!"

Eno: Floyd Reese has all but begged for an interview thru the papers and the radio. What do you think of someone like that, the former Tennessee Titan GM?

Big Al: I like his track record as a personnel guy with the Titans, but anyone who openly panders for the gig through the media would raise a red flag in my book. I'm sure it has with WCF too. If Reese wants the job, he would have been much better served to go through channels, so to speak.

Eno: You're shrewder than I thought -- good point! Hey, before we go, what did you think of the OTHER worst owner in the NFL -- Al Davis, and his ham-handed firing of Lane Kiffin?

Big Al: That was entertainment of the HIGHEST order. I was surprised Davis didn't break out the TPS Reports, phone logs and videotape. He wanted Kiffin not only fired, but blackballed. Think the Lions are dysfunctional? They have nothing on the Silver and Black.

Eno: Davis has been losing it for years now. He just does it more publicly than Bill Ford Sr. does. I thought they were going to fit him for a straitjacket when he dusted off Art Shell!

Big Al: Just wait for when he hires Matt Millen! Hey, it could happen! It's sad to see a once great owner who was instrumental in making pro football the juggernaut it is today so...so...pitifully zombie-like.

Eno: Just Pee, Baby!

Big Al: Millen's new job will be piss boy for Al Davis! I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.

Eno: Nice.
OK, your uber-quick take on the Red Wings and Pistons, and make it snappy -- we're running out of room and our readers' attention spans!

Big Al: Red Wings and Pistons? Wake me when the playoffs start! Honestly, the Red Wings are the best team in hockey. The Pistons are in the top 2-3 in the East., and they'll fall short again. I doubt adding Michael Curry as coach and Kwame Brown up front will get them over the conference finals hump.

Eno: I think it's amazing that the Wings not only kept everyone in tact, but ADDED a Marian Hossa. How DO they do it? The Pistons, I think, will make it back to the ECF again. Talk about a mulligan -- the Pistons are on their fourth one by now.

Eno: Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you: if The Knee Jerks are a success, it was my idea. If it doesn't work out, you talked me into it.

Big Al: I'm just hopping on theEno bandwagon., and going wherever it takes me.

Eno: See ya next week, oh Al of Bigdom....

Big Al: I'll be here, Mr. Eno. Later.